Follow us
Pin It

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

It's not your competition

Posted By on Tue, Mar 10, 2009 at 8:10 AM

click to enlarge acuvibe-300x89.jpg

Over the weekend, he found them.

He found the sex toys that I'd hidden from him for a year and a half.

click to enlarge sex_toys-296x300.jpg
I'm talking the Rabbit, the dong with the pearls and my favorite, the AccuVibe massager.

"What is all of this?" he asked with attitude.

All I kept thinking was, Damn, I need a new place for my batteries! [This all started when I asked him to grab a pack of batteries for the DVD remote.]

"Those are my toys," I said. "What's the issue?"

"So, I'm not good enough for you?"

"That's not why they are here. Look, I have needs and sometimes when you're not available, I need to come. Would you prefer I go out and cheat or use a BOB?"

"What in the hell is a bob?"

"A Battery Operated Boyfriend."

Can you say wrong choice of words. "Oh," he bellows, "so, you'd rather have that plastic shit as your boyfriend."

Why is he yelling? After telling him that I didn't want to watch a movie with him and asking him to leave, I called up my friend L, who has a much more extensive collection of sex toys.

She said both me and my guy have issues.

"You never call it a BOB in front of him. Now he thinks he has competition from your dildos. Men don't like competition period. But at least you're using the toys to tame your cheating ways. [That is a whole other issue.]"

"So, how do I fix this?" I asked. "Let him use a toy on me?"

"How about you ease into that one. Once he cools down and thinks about it, then you two can talk about the reasons why you have the toys."

Fast forward three hours and guess who's on my door step. Him. I don't allow him inside until he says that he's sorry for acting an ass.

Then we sit down in front of the computer. I log on to and showed him some videos of women and men using sex toys.

"See," I said as I eased on to his lap. "There are a lot of things you can do that I will never get from any toy."

Maybe it was my lap dance or the videos, but he was ready and willing to not only have sex but play with a toy or two.

I think he finally got it. BOB isn't his competition.

Tags: , , ,

  • Pin It


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Creative Loafing encourages a healthy discussion on its website from all sides of the conversation, but we reserve the right to delete any comments that detract from that. Violence, racism and personal attacks that go beyond the pale will not be tolerated.

Latest in Bang Town

More by Mustang Sally, Mayor of Bang Town

Search Events

Recent Comments
items in Creative Loafing Charlotte More in Creative Loafing Charlotte pool
  • Massage therapist in Charlotte offers happy women 7

    Our Sexologist Becky Knight on her most special discovery
  • Sex toys at Spencer's in a mall near you. 1

    So, thank you Spencer’s at Northlake Mall for selling vibrators in the mall. And we’re not talking about a “massager.” I’m talking real cock shaped toys that will touch your g-spot.
  • Today's Top (less) 5: Wednesday

    Here are the five best events to get you hot and bothered with or without a date going down in Charlotte and the surrounding area today, Jan. 14, 2009— as selected by the folks at Creative Loafing.

© 2015 Womack Newspapers, Inc.
Powered by Foundation