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Thursday, August 21, 2014

A silent night, from the male perspective

Posted By on Thu, Aug 21, 2014 at 10:46 AM

This week's story comes to us from a male perspective — finally!

The MTV show Catfish has taken dating to a whole other level. You already don't know what you could be getting into when you meet someone out and about in a public setting, but you really have no idea what you are getting into when you meet someone online.

Roy was having not one ounce of luck meeting women in the clubs and bars he was frequenting (shocker), so he decided to try his luck at online dating. After an incident with a chick that only had pictures of herself from the neck up and in person looked like Arnold Schwarzneggar, Roy was about to give up.

Then he came across Dana. Dana was everything he was looking for: pretty, educated, drama-free, no children and had a sense of humor. So, after chatting online for a couple of weeks, the two agree to meet up. Notice I didn't say they talked on the phone. That fact is important later. Stay with me.

So, in the spirit of keeping things low-key, as most do on a budget for a first date, they decide to meet up at Buffalo Wild Wings. No, they didn't go on Tuesday night during the wing special either — I know what y'all are thinking!

When Roy gets there, Dana is already sitting there waiting for him. He's relieved because she looks just like her pictures. I'm sure in Roy's mind he was already planning his hunch attack, but that's another story for another day.

Roy walks up to the table. "Hi Dana? I'm Roy, it's nice to meet you."

::crickets::

Maybe Dana didn't hear him. He tries again. "Hi Dana? I'm Roy, it's nice to meet you."

More chirping from the choir of crickets. In fact, Dana isn't even looking at him. This is starting to sound like Dana ain't interested right?

So he places his hand on the table and leans to look at her and she finally looks up and smiles. He repeats himself, "Hi. I'm Roy, it's nice to meet you."

They shake hands. Roy sits down.

He asks her what she is going to order.

::crickets::

He repeats himself.

::crickets::

Gawd dawg Dana, say something! It's rare for a man to even be taking someone somewhere these days!

Finally, Dana reaches in her purse and pulls out a notepad and begins writing. She slides the paper over and reads, "Nice to meet you in person Roy. I am deaf and mute."

Now. Let that marinate. I'll give you minute, because I had to take about five minutes.

Roy reads the paper and looks at her confused, wondering if he's being punked, convinced that Ashton Kutcher is going to jump out from behind the bar at some point. Dana slides over the paper one more time, "I can do sign language, but if you can't, we can just talk on this piece of paper."

Wha ... did ... wait.

Roy takes the pen. "OK. What are you going to have for dinner?"

So they write back and forth until the waitress comes for their order. Then they sit in silence, Roy staring at the television behind the bar. Dana looks at him, confused as to why he's not writing her.

I'm personally confused as to the point of this date so far.

The rest of the date continues just like this. They eat their dinner in silence, with occasional note passing.

Afterward, Dana scribbles that she had fun and would love to see him again.

Uhh, Dana, were you on the same date, girl? Roy, still pissed that she didn't tell him about her disabilities, responds with "Nice meeting you. Get home safe." She writes, "Well, text me sometime."

Obviously, there was no second date, or any more communication between the two.

Lesson learned. If you have a disability that is going to prevent you from talking, or hell, hearing, then you should disclose that information to your blind date. Granted, Roy could have decided to take the high road and treat Dana like he would any other date, but he was too pissed to even think about it. Let’s give him a few points for staying for the whole dinner, because most men and women would have left immediately.

Want to share your own dating story? Good, Bad, Ugly—Go ahead, shoot an email to backtalk@creativeloafing.com. We'll keep your identity a secret — just let us know what dating in the Queen City is really like!

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