With the Democratic National Convention coming up in a few short months — and the news that Rick Santorum lost the Iowa Caucus by a mere eight votes (come on, people, have you Googled Santorum recently?) — it's no surprise we've got politics on the brain.

With that said, we've begun our hunt for folks to feature in Creative Loafing's annual Lust List edition, in which we celebrate the city's sexiest citizens. (Last year's Lust List issue can be found here.) This year, we're looking for the finest Democrats in town to flaunt their goods. Might that be you?

The issue hits stands Feb. 8. Hurry and check out our nomination form to submit entries, whether it be your significant other, the hot liberal barista at your neighborhood coffee shop or even yourself. (Remember, they just have to be a registered Democrat.) The deadline to submit is Jan. 20.

click to enlarge

It's hard to find a job these days, but if you can work a pole or serve up a mean drink then Club Onyx is looking for you.

All new hires, (dancers) will receive a $200 house credit through the month of April.

So, how do you apply for a job at a strip club? You don't need a "written" resume —  just show up between 7 p.m. and 11 p.m., Sunday-Saturday.

When a sexual assault happens, the victim needs more than just a police officer to take his or her statement and capture his or her assailant.

That person needs a strong shoulder to lean on, and United Family Services wants you to provide that shoulder.

The group is looking for volunteers to serve as rape crisis companions. United Family Services’ volunteer coordinator Joey Honeycutt said rape crisis companions man the 24-hour rape crisis hotline, which UFS operates.

“A rape crisis companion is a volunteer who provides crisis counseling and support and information and referral services to victims of sexual assault who contact the hotline, as well as hospital accompaniment to the victims,” she said.

To become a rape crisis companion, Honeycutt said a person must go through training.

“We have a 30-hour comprehensive training,” she said. And starting next week, training begins for a new set of volunteers. “It’s three Wednesday night sessions that are two hours and three Saturday sessions that are eight hours. The training focuses on the basics of rape and sexual assault. Victim experience, basic crisis counseling, legal and medical procedures that sort of thing.”

While Honeycutt said that it takes at least 30 people to man the hotline to ensure that all shifts are covered, the more people who want to sign up, the better.

“No number would be too many,” she said. “We tell our volunteers, once they’ve completed training to commit to a minimum of one year of service, signing up for two 12-hour shifts per month of covering the hotline.

Right now, Honeycutt said there are 26 rape crisis companions covering the hotline.

Volunteers must have access to a phone, their own transportation and get to the hospital when called in at least 30 minutes, though Honeycutt said there is some flexibility with that if a person lives further away from a hospital.

UFS will hold its next Rape Crisis Companion training in the Cabarrus County office on May 12, 15, 19, 22, 26, and 29. Wednesday night training sessions will take place from 6:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m., and Saturday sessions will take place from 8:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Training is comprehensive, so trainees must attend all sessions.

The training sessions are open to individuals in Mecklenburg County who are interested in providing support and resources to victims of rape and sexual assault through the agency’s rape crisis hotline and hospital accompaniment. The agency also needs male Rape Crisis Companions to work with male sexual assault victims and Companions who speak Spanish.

To sign up for the training, contact United Family Services’ Volunteer Coordinator Joey Honeycutt at: 704-367-2734 or jhoneycutt@ufsclt.org for an application.

Although I'd like to think that not having sex will ruin your life--trust me, with an orgasm and a cup of coffee I am a bitch.

But according to Cracked.com, there are five REAL, yet bizarre, sexual conditions that can ruin your life.

Yes, ruin your life.

Imagine walking around with an erection that won't go away. That's priapism and the reason that Viagra and other drugs like it come with the four hour erection warning.

The problem with priapism is that nothing can bring your little soldier down from attention. Even when you've had your fun, he's still saluting. Doesn't sound so bad except that, when you're hard all the time it's the result of blood pumping in to the wang but not out. This can lead to blood clots, gangrene and the future inability to ever have an erection again. Oh, and pain. Severe pain.

And then there is sexomnia. It's like sleep walking but it involves fucking.

Aside from not remembering the amazing sex you had, you don't get to pick your partner, which can lead to some rather embarrassing morning after moments.

But the scariest one and the one that's going to send me and someone else I know to the doctor's office this week is: PSAS, permanent sexual arousal syndrome.

When we say you're turned on all the time, we mean to the point that at the drop of a hat, you have an orgasm. The phone rings? Orgasm. White socks today? Orgasm. Caught your parents having sex? Goddamnit, orgasm.

So, you want to get married but you're broke as a joke.

How are you going to have that special wedding that you've dreamed of since birth?

Well, you could make a porno.

That's what a couple who wants to get married in Cancun is doing and so far, they've made $2,000.

The pair, who have four children, have played a photographer and lingerie model who strip for a romp, and also appeared in a threesome.

Lisa, 34, even dripped hot wax on Tommy's chest at a motorway service station hotel to recreate a scene from Madonna's 1993 movie Body of Evidence.

She also spanked him with a paddle. She said: "I was laughing my head off.

"I have told my mum and most of my friends. They understand. It's always been our dream to have a fairytale wedding."

So, you want to make money to have that Disney wedding that you've always wanted. Pull out the video camera and start filming your porno. If you're in Charlotte, there are plenty of prime locations for you to use for sex acts.

And the above couple is proof that no one looks at faces in porn.

click to enlarge

The good people at The Frisky found this ad.

I'm willing to bet that if the good people in Charlotte and the surrounding area cleaned out their parents or grandparents attics, this phone is hidden in a box somewhere.

Don't try calling the 800 number, it's no longer in service.

click to enlarge

I've never grasped the concept of a cuddle buddy. I figured it was the same as a fuck buddy, but you just held each other after the fact. Not a true cuddle buddy. You just cuddle because for whatever reason, 98 degrees of human heat in your bed makes you sleep better.

This was never clearer than on a cold night in Charlotte when I was too lazy to get up and turn up the heat or place another log in the fireplace. We all need a cuddle buddy.

And the good people at Lemondrop.com have outlined just what you need to do to find a good one.

More than a sex doll, less than a boyfriend, but loads more affectionate than the typical one-night stand, the Cuddle Buddy is the single girl's best defense in that cold, little war waged every winter against loneliness. Consider the Cuddle Buddy a UV phototherapy lamp for your soul.

Unfortunately, you can ruin a good cuddle buddy with sex. Especially if it's good sex. Sex means getting naked, which pretty much defeats the purpose of having someone in your bed to keep you warm.

Did you know that cuddle buddies are good for the environment? The next time someone is talking about going green and saving energy, tell them they could help you do that by finding you a cuddle buddy.

Do be careful, though. If you're the kind of person who confuses someone sharing their blanket with you as a sign of undying love and devotion, then skip the cuddle buddy and get an electric blanket -- Duke Energy will thank you.

Like writing romance novels? Here's an event for you:

The Carolina Romance Writers will be holding their monthly meeting and workshop on Saturday, November 7, at the Hickory Tavern, 9010 Harris Corners Parkway, Charlotte, NC (704-921-4466).

Sign-in begins at 11 am and the program runs from 11:30 am to 3:30 pm, with a break for lunch. This month’s program, Writing Memorable Characters, will be presented by award-winning author Judi McCoy. Ms. McCoy has published over a dozen romantic suspense and romantic mystery novels and teaches the “aspiring author” course at the Romantic Times convention. All guests must register online at www.carolinaromancewriters.com and first-time visitors may attend free.

For further information e-mail info@carolinaromancewriters.com Carolina Romance Writers. To find out more about the Carolina Romance Writers, check out the website at www.carolinaromancewriters.com.