If you watch Catfish on MTV, you already know online dating can be scary. This week, I decided to share one of my own online dating experiences gone awry.
Several years ago, I took a chance on Yahoo Personals, and was going back and forth with a guy named Reggie. He was from New York and seemed like he had some sense. He said he owned his own business — basically, he looked good on paper. We instant-messaged each other for a couple of weeks, and then exchanged phone numbers. One day, I get a text that reads: "Hey, I'm traveling on business, and I'll be in your city on Tuesday, I can't wait to meet you."
In hindsight, I realize my response should have been "WTF." But because I thought there was some divine connection, and I was incredibly naive back then, I texted back, "Can't wait, I'll pick you up from the airport!"
I reached out to a couple of friends to roll with me, but no one's available. So I go to the airport alone, only to find, of course, that Reggie looks NOTHING like his pictures. He's still kind of attractive, though, so I keep an open mind.
Immediately, I notice he's only carrying one bag. While I think it's a bit strange, since he's allegedly doing all this traveling, I ignore the blazing red flag.
This week's story comes to us from a male perspective — finally!
The MTV show Catfish has taken dating to a whole other level. You already don't know what you could be getting into when you meet someone out and about in a public setting, but you really have no idea what you are getting into when you meet someone online.
Roy was having not one ounce of luck meeting women in the clubs and bars he was frequenting (shocker), so he decided to try his luck at online dating. After an incident with a chick that only had pictures of herself from the neck up and in person looked like Arnold Schwarzneggar, Roy was about to give up.
Then he came across Dana. Dana was everything he was looking for: pretty, educated, drama-free, no children and had a sense of humor. So, after chatting online for a couple of weeks, the two agree to meet up. Notice I didn't say they talked on the phone. That fact is important later. Stay with me.
If you're planning to head out to Pride this weekend — scratch that. When you head out to Pride this weekend to revel in the biggest LGBTQ celebration in the Carolinas, look out for Pillow Talk host / CL contributor Joanne Spataro. She'll be emceeing with drag diva Roxy C. Moorecox. Here's Spataro's latest episode of her Web show featuring Roxy and a guest appearance from Clay Smith. (Uh, that would be Roxy's alter ego.)
Dating can be a bit of a tossup in a city that's familiar, but if you just moved to the Queen City, it can be a bit intimidating.
Tori recently moved to the area, and of course she wanted to meet folks, so she decided to try online dating. After a bunch of mofos, illiterate, shady characters, she finally stumbles upon one she feels she could possibly get to know. His name is Brian. On paper, Brian has everything going for him: a job, no kids but wants kids, says he has goals, respects women, and doesn't like to play games. Best of all, no drama.
Tori and Brian decide to meet up for a low-key dinner one night — Chipotle. Everybody loves Chipotle, and if you don't, I'm giving you the side eye right now.
So, date night arrives. Both get there on time, both are pleased that neither were cat-fished. Food is great, conversation is great ... UNTIL..
You knew this was coming. Dates in the Queen City aren't without an UNTIL or a BUT.
Brian decides it's time to break every first date rule and dump his baggage right in the middle of their burritos and chips.
Last week we discussed going dutch for the first date. This week's story shows another side of that same coin.
Sometimes, the easiest way to meet new people is through other people. Lisa met Jamal at a gathering at her friend's house. She mentioned to her friend that she was single, and the friend mentioned that Jamal was single and just like that, the two were connected. (I don't know about y'all, but it never happens for me like that. EVER.)
So the two chat on the phone to get to know each other. What a novel concept — actually talking on the phone and not texting or tweeting an entire conversation! Anyway, their first date turns out to be at that Applebee's in the University area. Before you scrunch up your face, think cheap-ass appetizers and drink specials.
As Lisa is heading to the restaurant, Jamal calls and says he is running late. I gotta give him a point for this, because most mofos would just say, "I'll be there when I get there." So she gets there right on time at 7 p.m. Lisa decides that she will wait a maximum of 15 minutes for Jamal because if he really wants to get to know her, he'll get his ass there within that timeframe.
Y'all know he didn't get there in time right?
At exactly 7:15, Lisa makes her way to the car. As she is walking to the car, the phone rings again, and it's Jamal asking where she is. She tells him she is walking to the car, about to head home since he is clearly not interested. Jamal says he has just pulled into the parking lot. So, Lisa has a decision to make: entertain this late mofo or get in the car, go home, and get boo'd up with Netflix.
Lisa says at that moment when she was trying to decide whether or not to go or stay, a voice from the heavens above told her to stay because this man was her husband. I'm going to just pause here for a second to say this: God reveals Himself in many forms and ways, so if that's what Lisa heard, then so be it. But er ... God, hey, can you show me MY husband?!
Over the past week, there have been discussions on social media about "going Dutch" — or paying for your own meal — for the first date.
This week’s dating tale is a good look at how NOT to bring up the "going Dutch" idea.
Melanie met Al on a dark, starry night while walking to her car after enjoying a night out with her friends. They exchanged numbers and in the following days, did what folks USED to do — actually talk on the phone, not just text. Al does what any normal male interested in getting to know a nice young lady does: he asks her out on a date. Yes, y’all A DATE. Not a booty call, not that "can I come over to your house and ‘kick it’ or ‘hang out’" type ish. So, Melanie is elated, because like I’ve told y’all before, dates like this just don’t happen much, it seems, around the Queen City.
Fast-forward a few days and they agree to keep it low key and meet at a restaurant near her job. You know this is going to have a red flag right? Al wants to meet at 10 p.m. on a Tuesday night for no reason that he can articulate, except he wants to finish watching something on television. Blink blink blink.
Boy meets girl. Boy asks girl out. Boy and girl go out and everything goes well and they skip off into the sunset. Sounds just like a Lifetime movie minus the drama, huh? By now, we’ve established that in dating and love, there is no movie script to follow; it’s just navigating these choppy dating waters the best way we know how. So, without further ado, welcome to another tale of dating in Charlotte.
Sarah met Chris at his part-time job at the gas station. He asked her out, and a few days later, she picks him up to go to Applebee’s in the University area. (Side note: I can already see the tweets about Applebee’s not being a prime location for a first date, but you gotta go where your pockets will allow you to go, mmk?) So our lovely couple gets to the restaurant, and Sarah orders water and a salad. Chris, on the other hand, orders a steak, Sprite and sweet tea, which brings the total dinner to about $25. (Not bad for a first date.) As soon as the check comes, Chris has absolutely not one ounce of give-a-damn and asks if Sarah would like to split the bill 50/50.
*blink blink blink*
Chris. Chris. Chris. If you didn’t have enough money for the date, you should have taken Sarah to the boardwalk and let her get an ice cream cone. For $5, you could have called it a night. But hey, I’m sleep.
Sarah informs cheap ass that she has no problem leaving a tip, but she is not paying for any of the stuff he ate. Besides, she drove. In the end, he reluctantly paid for the meal.
Needless to say, the next stop is to drop Chris off at home. On the way to his house, he pulls the tried and true line of, "Let’s finish the night off at my house and watch a movie." Sarah, being the nice person she is — or maybe she just doesn’t want to go home yet — agrees to come in.
Welcome to this week’s house of dating horrors. I figured I couldn’t just tell your stories without telling one of my own.
Once upon a time, I decided to venture into online dating. Now, don’t get me wrong, online dating can be a great way to meet people without having to set one toe into a bar, club, lounge, or for some of you heathens, church.
I started corresponding with a nice guy named Joe. Nice meaning he was in his late 20s, had a great job, was intelligent, could hold a convo, and best of all, could read and write. Listen to me when I tell you that fact alone is a rarity these days. Anyway, we had a couple of dates, and everything seems to be heading into the right direction.
So, it’s inevitable that Joe wants to graduate to the dreaded “house dates.” Those consist of going to his/her house and watching movies, cooking dinner, a little touchy feely, and probably intimacy at some point. At this point, I didn’t want him to come to my house, but I figured there’s no harm in going to his house to check things out, right?
Have you ever been on a date when you think all signs are pointing to a strong possibility of a second or third date? Everything is going right: the conversation is on point; he smells good, looks right and even has manners. He opens doors, makes sure you are comfortable and genuinely seems interested in learning about you and not just seeing what color panties you have on.
Perfect date material, isn’t it. Too bad this isn’t how this week’s date played out.
Once upon a time, a woman named Gloria met a nice handsome man named Lavon. Now, Lavon was sexy — well, according to Gloria. I haven’t seen a picture so I can’t speak on that.
Anyway, Lavon asks Gloria out to dinner. She says everything was right: They had a nice dinner and some great conversation.
Allow me to interject one thing here, fellas. The way to our heart sometimes is being able to hold an INTELLIGENT, WITTY and FUNNY conversation. Learn to talk about other things than just sex and what you can do and what you want in the bedroom. Nobody — well, unless they are looking for a booty call — wants to hear all that for the first few convos. Besides, you might think you are working with a lot and you may just get your feelings hurt later.
Back to the story.
Gloria and Lavon are really feeling each other, so of course they don’t want the evening to come to an end just yet, so Lavon asks her if she’d like a nightcap at his place.
I swear to gawd, I thought that nightcap line was just for primetime dramas and soap operas, but hey, if it works, use what you know!
Joanne Spataro is the host of Pillow Talk with Joanne, a local Web series that takes the most fabulous people of Charlotte to bed. She offers the readers of Bangtown some sage, yet speedy, advice on love, dating and more. This week's tip is on keeping it real.
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