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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files (April 18) 

G Thang: Three suspects were arrested on McAlway Road last week during a narcotics investigation. Police seized $212, three cell phones and $170 worth of marijuana, defined in their report as "Kush or That Loud." One, two, three and to the fo', Snoop Doggy Dogg and Dr. Dre is on the force.

Beauty is pain: Police were called to a Food Lion on South Tryon Street last week after a woman was caught shoplifting. After watching the woman conceal items in her purse, they confronted her and found that she was attempting to steal a bottle of Nair and a pack of makeup pencils. With bikini season just around the corner, could they blame her?

Boys on film: Police responded to an assault call in Hickory Grove last week to find a boy who had become Charlotte's newest film star. The 15-year-old victim told police that a group of guys approached him, and one of them started punching him. One of the other men in the group was holding a camera, videotaping the entire occurrence. The man with the camera told the victim that if he attempted to fight back, the rest of the guys would jump in and beat him up worse.

Daddy issues: A 60-year-old man called police last week after another man was annoying him. He told officers there was an intoxicated man hanging out on his porch and causing a disturbance. He also said the man would sometimes go out into the street and begin yelling, disturbing the neighbors around his home. When police showed up to make the arrest, they learned that the suspect was the son of the man who had called.

harassholes: A 59-year-old woman filed a police report last week after "she listened to two phone messages that made her uncomfortable," according to the report. In the messages, the suspect demanded that the woman give all the gifts back that he had given her for Christmas — four years ago. In a separate case, a 29-year-old man filed a report after being harassed by someone whom he claims called four times on Easter Sunday and made statements such as "You are my significant other" and "Happy Easter." God forbid.

bullish: In bizarre accident news, a 27-year-old bull rider was critically injured at Midnite Rodeo after being bucked off of the bull and "taking a horn to the head." We hope for a speedy recovery and a reconsideration of occupation.

speed stalker: An 18-year-old girl called police last week after she became convinced that a man was stalking her. She told officers she met the man at the DMV and had stood next to him in line for hours. When she left the building, the man startled her by suddenly appearing behind her while she got into her car. He asked her to lunch, and she refused. She then realized he was following her in his car. She stated that she skipped her exit on Interstate 77 and took another one. She then "had to drive like a maniac" and turn four times to lose the suspect. Maybe he just wanted to show off his fancy new driving skills.

sugar fiend: Police officers responded to a domestic dispute in east Charlotte last week that ended with an assault with a deadly weapon charge. A 39-year-old man told officers that he was arguing with his girlfriend when things got physical. The woman allegedly punched the man four times in the face, nicked his left bicep with a pair of pliers and then attempted to cut him with a paring knife. Maybe he'll think twice before eating some of her Easter Peeps.

Threats of the week: A 37-year-old woman filed a report after receiving a disturbing phone call at home. The suspect was calling from out of state and said, "I'm coming down to Charlotte to whip your ass, and then I'm going to stuff a bridal dress down your throat." A 25-year-old woman called police after receiving a call in which a suspect stated, "Bitch, when I see you I'm gonna smack you with the same crowbar I hit your man with." Another woman received a call stating, "You big fat bitch, I been wanted to kill you a long time ago." It's good to set goals for yourself.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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