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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files (Dec. 7 edition) 

Black Friday: Employees at a local Harris Teeter called police last week after a woman went on a hefty shopping spree without any money. She filled up her cart and was found with the following before getting away: a 24-pack of Miller Lite, bleach, trash bags, detergent, toilet paper, cups, a laundry basket, forks, more detergent, cheesecake, chicken, seasoning, batteries and more detergent. Hopefully, she at least donated to the Salvation Army bell ringer on the way out.

Laundering: A 26-year-old man filed a police report last week saying a woman damaged $600 worth of his wardrobe by cutting up pieces of it and pouring bleach on the rest. The woman was smart enough to separate his new clothing, however, returning it to Target, Hollister and Guess for refunds. Wonder if the guy had to file the report in his boxers?

La Vida Moco: A 23-year-old woman called police last week after she was threatened over the Internet. She told officers she had accepted a "friend" on MocoSpace — a gaming and chatting social-media site — who then sent her five explicit messages within the first 20 minutes. Looks like Chris Hansen's already discovered the pleasures of Moco.

Occupy doorstep: A woman reported to police that a 16-year-old boy was sleeping outside her apartment's front door. When approached, the boy told officers he had been kicked out of his home by his father on the Sunday after Thanksgiving. Police talked with the father, who stated that he had arranged with the boy's mother that he would go stay with her. The boy said that was true but he chose not to go to his mother's house. Ah, give the kid a break: He's just a little confused about what "Occupy Charlotte" means.

Gymnastics: A 41-year-old man called police after suffering a scary incident on the way home from the gym last week. The man said he was walking home when unknown suspects grabbed his gym bag and then tried to kidnap him by dragging him into the woods. They assaulted and kicked him but could not get him in the woods. In the bag was $12 in cash, a debit card, a water bottle and a can of mace. Doesn't look like the mace did him much good.

Old School: Police were called to a Walgreens last week after someone attempted to have naked pictures developed. Apparently this person has not heard of digital cameras, the internet or any other variety of modern technology.

Groovy, baby: A man was arrested at Charlotte Douglas Airport last week after trying to sneak a large amount of money out of the country in a scene that could have come straight from Austin Powers. Apparently, a baggage screener found a hidden pocket in the man's suitcase that contained $51,775. Wait — so he couldn't find $225 just to round it out? All right, guard, begin the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism.

Criminal follies: Police responded to a call last week involving two men who fought off incompetent burglars. One of the victims told officers that he confronted the suspects, whereupon a gun was pointed at him. The victim took control of the gun and a struggle ensued. The victim's friend then helped him fight off the criminals. The two men suffered minor scrapes and bruises. The burglars are considering a new line of work.

Threat of the Week: A 30-year-old man filed a police report after a neighbor threatened his dogs. He told officers the neighbor approached him and stated, "I will poison your dogs. Them dogs come near here and I'll poison 'em." The victim told officers that the dogs had made no attempt to go near the suspect's yard. Good thing he doesn't have kids.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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