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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files (Feb. 22) 

Crash pad: A 21-year-old woman called the cops after realizing someone had attempted to crash at her pad. It's not what you think. The woman came home recently and noticed the inside of her living room wall was caving in. She called her dad to come check it out the next morning. He found tire tracks in the lawn leading up to the wall, which showed heavy damage. Apparently someone took literally her offer to crash at her place.

Bathroom Shopping: The Ballantyne Resort reported to police last week that a guest had stolen from one of the rooms. The reporting employee told officers the guest took a Bose clock radio, a bathroom scale and a vanity mirror when she checked out. One might think that if a person had the money to stay at the Ballantyne Resort, she could afford a decent clock radio. One might be wrong.

Sweet Lorena: A 46-year-old man called police after an ex-girlfriend, whom he lives with, assaulted him last week. The man told officers the woman cut him on his right arm with a kitchen knife after he repeatedly asked her to have sex with him. Right arm? The guy might consider himself lucky.

Wear A Helmet: Speaking of the possible loss of a certain part of the anatomy: Someone was finally charged with being the "Dilworth Flasher" — you know, the guy who's been riding around the Dilworth neighborhood on a bike, exposing himself. Imagine if he had a wreck, say, on broken glass. Ouch.

Xanadu: A 23-year-old woman called police after realizing a couple of guys she hired to paint her bathroom stole her Xanax stash. We're wondering if her increased anxiety came more from her lack of Xanax or from her workers' Xanax-fueled paint job.

Cool Million: A 36-year-old man called police after his ex-girlfriend threatened him. According to the man's report, the ex had called him "up to approximately a million times." He said the woman told him, "If you got another woman, I'm going to kill you." She also said, "I'm coming over there now to beat your ass." She probably said a lot of other things, too, considering she called him "up to approximately a million times."

Bad Rep: A 62-year-old called police after a man pushed the victim against a wall and threatened to kill him. "The victim believes that the suspect will carry out the threat due to him having been in jail for murder," the report states. Sounds impeccably logical to us.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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