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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files (Feb. 27) 

True detective

True Detective: A woman called police last week when she concluded, after an informal investigation, that the law firm where she works had been broken into. She told officers she was the first one at the office and when she walked in she noticed that the door was unlocked. After searching the office, she realized someone had come in overnight and taken a pillow from the couch in the lobby.

Poor pussy: Police responded to an animal cruelty call at a local mechanic shop last week after someone reportedly assaulted a cat with a shovel. The tough little feline survived the attack but was impounded by animal control.

Handsy: A teacher at Nathaniel Alexander Elementary School reported being sexually harassed by one of her students last week. The 64-year-old woman told police that one of her students physically assaulted her by placing his hand between her thighs.

Take the Wheel: Police responded to an assault call near the airport after two men couldn't agree on who would drive a car. A 67-year-old man told officers that his friend stabbed him with a screwdriver and drove off in his car after the two got into an argument over who would drive to a pawn shop.

On the Job: When they walked in at 3 a.m. last week, police found the behavior of employees at a members-only pool bar to be a little too exclusive. Officers found several violations of liquor laws, most notably that employees stayed after hours and had been drinking to the point of intoxication by the time police walked through the door.

Burning Evidence: Police were on the scene of a car fire on I-77 last week when they realized more than just the car's engine was burning. Officers detected a strong smell of marijuana coming from the victim's vehicle and soon found 10 grams of weed, a digital scale and a .38 revolver.

Room service: A 39-year-old man will not be returning to InTown Suites anytime soon, and it has nothing to do with the thread count. The man told police he was hanging out in front of his hotel room when two strangers assaulted him. The victim told officers that one of the men punched him in the forehead and mouth and the other threw a DVD player at him, hitting him in the lip.

Threats of the Week: A 43-year-old woman filed a police report after someone threatened to have her beat up by proxy. The man told her, "I have friends from jail that will fuck you up and they will make it look like a home invasion." Because that's not what it would be? And a man in northwest Charlotte will be taking care of his home improvement needs at Ace Hardware after someone told him, "If I see you at Lowe's or Home Depot or in the street, I'm going to fuck you up."

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

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