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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files (March 28) 

Redundancy Impaired: A police officer filed a report last week after responding to a vehicle-accident call in which a man collided with a tree. In the report, the officer stated that the man driving the vehicle "was impaired on an impairing substance that impaired his mental or physical faculties." But was he impaired?

PETA to the rescue: A 46-year-old woman filed a police report after falling victim to theft at the hands of an animal lover. She told officers that she put an animal trap in the woods near her Uptown home last week but awoke to find that someone had stolen it.

Hole in One: Police responded to an assault call in south Charlotte last week after a ballsy man struck another while he was riding his bike. The 46-year-old man told officers he was riding his bike down the road when out of nowhere the suspect threw a golf ball at him, hitting him in the face and knocking him off his bike.

Mommy on the run: An employee at a local Bi-Lo on Tryon Street called police last week after a woman tried to pass a counterfeit check. The employee on duty told officers that the woman tried to cash her check there until he noticed that the company name at the top was misspelled in multiple places. He told the woman that there seemed to be an issue with the check and that he would have to get the police involved. She said that was fine but that she had to pick up her kids from daycare. Then, she ran out of the store.

Jason Russell: A 58-year-old woman called police last week after realizing that there was a "highly intoxicated" man roaming around her front yard. By the time police arrived to the south Charlotte home, the man had already knocked over and broken the bird bath and marble table on the front porch. I didn't know there was an Invisible Children chapter in Charlotte.

Packing heat: A 65-year-old woman called police after waking up to find bullet holes in the walls of her apartments. After some investigation, the police found that her neighbor was at fault. He told officers that he was cleaning his gun next door at about 11 p.m. and accidentally fired it through the walls. Apparently, he did not think it was important to go make sure he didn't kill any neighbors. He told officers that he removed the firearm from his apartment as soon as he woke up and was desperately trying to sell it. Great idea.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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