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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files (May 24) 

Water in the eyes equal assault?

Junk in the trunk: A man was arrested at a Target near Uptown last week after pushing his luck too far while shoplifting. As he perused the lingerie aisle, the suspect shoved 35 pairs of women's underwear down his trousers. Ol' fat pants was apprehended by the exit.

scardy cat: A 26-year-old woman called police last week to report that her ex-boyfriend was stalking her — or probably just irritating her. She told officers that the man would constantly follow her around in his car but leave whenever she parked somewhere. Upon returning home one day, she discovered he had knocked over the garbage cans that were in her driveway. When she went in the house, he shut off the power through her outside breakers and left the scene.

Bed Time: Police and medics responded to a call off Rea Road last week regarding a drunken man who had hurt himself. The reporting person found the man laying at the bottom of a stairwell in his apartment building, bleeding from the back of his head. A witness said that the man was trying to walk up the stairs but was so intoxicated that he fell, knocking out several of his teeth. He was brought to the hospital with minor injuries.

Summer Assault: A 59-year-old woman called police after being assaulted in the front yard of her north Charlotte home. She told officers that the suspect intentionally sprayed her in the eyes with her own water hose. She wanted to make the report because her eyes were temporarily blurred by the water, which, she said, made it an assault. Medics were not requested.

Taker, not a giver: In more "The Police Have Better Things to Do" news, a student at Shamrock Gardens Elementary School showed his classmates a Swiss Army knife his mother had recently given him. His tricky teacher let him show it to the class, but when he opened the nail cutter, she took it away. A police report was then filed. As if taking his new gift wasn't enough.

The terrible tenant: Employees at Westdale Apartment Homes on Central Avenue had to call police after one of their tenants had a temper tantrum. The manager told officers that the suspect visited the complex's office to discuss her account balance. When told that she had an outstanding balance, she became irate. She listed a computer off of an employee's desk and threw it at her chest. She also picked up a coffee table inside the office and threw it at the wall, leaving a hole. And the outstanding balance grows.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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