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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files (Oct. 4) 

Party on, dude!

Party Monster: Police showed up at the Omni Hotel last week after security officers called about a guest who had returned from a nightclub looking for a good time. The men told police that the suspect walked through the lobby carrying 15 bottles of various liquors worth, they later estimated, about $800. When the officers questioned the man, he said he stole all of the bottles from Enso nightclub. He was also in possession of a small amount of weed. Party on, dude!

Criminal Probing: A crime last week proved that sometimes you just have to take gynecology into your own hands. Three suspects worked together last week to order very expensive equipment over the Internet for free. The first suspect e-mailed a business and ordered a portable ultrasound machine for $25,500. He also ordered two vaginal probes worth $8,000 using another suspect's credit card. Soon after a third suspect signed for the package, the second canceled all the charges on his card.

No Soup for You: An older sister failed as a babysitter last week when she left her infant sister in danger. The girl was watching her sibling, who was less than a year old, when she left the baby in her family's apartment in order to go pick up another sibling from school. The babysitter also left a can of soup on a hot stove. The can caught fire and emitted smoke, but fortunately the baby was not injured. Before you go judging: We suspect that rich folks who hire nannies don't have this problem.

Smoke Break, Interrupted: Police responded to a shoplifting call at a local gas station after a man decided he couldn't use just one lighter to light his smokes. An employee told officers the man paid for a pack of cigarettes. When the employee wasn't looking, the man took 50 more lighters, display case and all, from the counter.

Itouch: A woman called police after finding a disturbing video on her son's iPod Touch last week. The woman told officers the video was of a sexual act that occurred between her son and his babysitter years ago, when both were juveniles.

Threats of the Week: A 43-year-old woman filed a police report after receiving text messages from three of Charlotte's more poetic citizens. The first suspect said, "Bitch I'm not pregnant anymore and I'm going to fuck you up. I'm going to hit you in the head and put you out of this world." A text from that woman's friend said, "I'm going to get you, I'm going to smoke your ass." Then a third suspect texted, "Make jokes now bitch, when I come over there, you are going to be the crack rock and I am going to smoke you."

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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