July 26, 2011 News & Views » The Blotter

Pin It
Submit to Reddit
Email
Favorite

Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

By

The Best Policy: A 19-year-old woman filed a police report after hearing some disturbing news from an ex-boyfriend. She told officers that she met the man in a parking lot to talk to him after they had been separated for the last six months. During this conversation, he told her that he had considered killing her at the time of the breakup but never went through with it. I'm sorry if you thought you could tell her that and it would fall under the "Some Day We Will Look Back and Laugh" category.

That's How They Learn: Concerned shoppers called police after seeing a 7-year-old girl roaming around the Arboretum Shopping Center by herself last week. When officers arrived, they found the girl swimming in the pond behind the strip mall without any parents in sight. They were probably just browsing the shops until they heard the whistle for adult swim.

Poke Her Face: Police responded to a disturbance call last week to find a victim who had been assaulted in the midst of a card game. The 55-year-old woman told officers that she was playing cards when an argument started and the suspect ended up elbowing her in her right eye. This happens to everybody — that's why so many people wear sunglasses when they play.

Epic Dog Fail: The owner of Tryon Auto Sales called police one morning last week after realizing that his lot had been burglarized the night before. He told officers that unknown suspects forced their way into his fenced lot and beat up two of his guard dogs before making off with $800 worth of tires and rims.

Epic Counselor Fail: A 45-year-old woman filed a police report last week after being assaulted by her husband. She told officers that she was driving down South Tryon Street on the way home from meeting with their marriage counselor with her husband when he became angry with her and began grabbing her by the arm.

FECAL MATTERS: Police officers and medics responded to a call for service in south Charlotte last week after a 50-year-old plumber found himself in serious trouble. A witness called 911 to tell operators that the plumber was working in a deep hole, trying to repair a water pipe when suddenly the entire thing collapsed around him, burying him inside. The man was hospitalized with minor injuries and was OK ... so I can make my "In Deep Shit" joke and everyone's happy.

Model Citizen: A 27-year-old man called police last week after realizing that he had been swindled by a stranger. He told officers that he received a call from a man who told him that he'd won $7,000 for "being a model citizen and paying his taxes on time." The only catch was that, of course, he had to pay the man nearly $2,000 in order to get his winnings. He sent the money and hasn't seen a dime since. Next time this guy goes to a family reunion, his 90-year-old uncle will be telling his 85-year-old grandma, "Did you hear the bullshit scam that chump fell for?"

Grandma's Packing: A 73-year-old woman filed a police report to state that someone had stolen her .32 H&R Magnum revolver. She told officers that since nobody had broken into her home at all that she can remember, she expects that a member of her immediate family stole it. She doesn't know who it was, but at family dinners, she now behaves as if everyone is armed and dangerous.

Go For It: Employees at Blackstone Imports of Charlotte called police last week after a man got away with one of their vehicles in broad daylight. Witnesses told officers that the suspect was in the waiting room when he suddenly picked up a chair and threw it against the wall. While everyone was distracted, the suspect grabbed a pair of keys off of a desk and ran out the door. He hopped into a car and peeled out of the parking lot. In my family, we call that negotiating.

Threat of the Week: Two men, age 63 and 36, found themselves in similar predicaments last week after their cars were vandalized in seemingly unrelated incidents within a day of each other. The older of the victims woke up to find that someone had scratched lines down one of the sides of his vehicle and on the other side had scratched the words, "Fuck you." The younger victim woke up in a different part of the city a day later to find the same damage done to his own car, but with an added dent to his hood. We should just make this the new fad. When someone cuts you off, just point to the side of your car. It's safe and easy.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

More The Blotter »

Pin It
Submit to Reddit
Email
Favorite

Latest in The Blotter

Calendar

More »

Search Events

all events
concerts
restaurants
movie times

Most Popular
Most Shared
Most Commented

© 2019 Womack Digital, LLC
Powered by Foundation