Bizarre crime from Charlotte police files (Nov. 17) 

Must See TV Police responded to a shoplifting call at a Walmart in north Charlotte last week after the suspect decided he had to get his TV turned on by any means necessary. Employees of the store first noticed the man when he approached the cashier lines with a television remote and a pack of eight AA batteries. He began telling people in line that he couldn't pay for the items and asking them to buy the stuff for him. I would have the same reaction if my remote died while stuck on an episode of 2 Broke Girls. When all the potential paying customers refused, he began walking toward the exit with them, but was stopped by employees. He then became argumentative before calling 911 claiming to have been kidnapped.

Heavy Sleepers A man in his mid-twenties must have been passed out hard on the couch in a home just north of Uptown last week to have slept through a home break-in. The man reportedly fell asleep on his buddies' couch at about 1 a.m. and didn't wake up until the two friends who live there returned home at about 9 a.m., probably asking him what the hell happened. What the group and investigators later decided happened was that someone tried to pry the front door open but couldn't do so and then they went around to the back door and simply kicked the whole thing in. This still didn't wake the sleeping man, however, but his presence alone must have been enough to scare the suspect away, because nothing was stolen.

Warmer, Warmer A 53-year-old man called police last week after being surprised that his girlfriend looked as if she wanted to take their argument, and not their relationship, to the next level. The man said that he and his girlfriend were arguing when she picked up a knife and slowly started coming toward him. Then came the most obvious — if still observant — statement ever recorded in a police report, when the man told police that he was not concerned with the presence of the knife until she was close enough to reach him, at which time he relieved her of the weapon before anyone could be injured.

Break On Through A group of east Charlotte residents got to know their neighbor a little better last week when he invited himself into each of their apartments, although he's apparently not the type to use the front door. The whole clusterfuck started when police responded to an apartment complex on Central Avenue in response to an assault call. When they arrived, the suspect fled from the parking lot into his apartment (apartment I). After going inside, he entered into a "common attic area" that he shares with his neighbors, and from there made entry into apartment J. While in J, he locked himself in the bathroom and refused to come out at the request of the tenants there. He eventually came out and re-entered the attic area, and although folks had become wise and locked him out, he still dropped in on his neighbors in apartment E by creating a large hole in the ceiling area. After remaining in E for a while, he finally ran out into the parking lot and tried to escape police on foot, but was taken into custody and mentally evaluated before being booked in the county jail.

Rock Band While the man mentioned above is clearly the worst apartment neighbor one could ask for, a man in South End had a more typical, yet irritating experience last week. The man reported to police that the neighbors who live above him not only shook his walls with all their stomping around, but damaged them to the point where he wanted to be sure they were structurally sound.

Like a Chimney A man in South End is prison rich after pulling off a caper at a gas station there last week. Police reported that someone threw a brick through the window of a Citgo station and, instead of going for the cash box, went straight for the cigs. The thief made off with 108 packs of Newport cigarettes, valued at $654 total.

Scammed A 33-year-old man in east Charlotte was scammed by con artists last week who were presumably taking advantage of the victim's status as an immigrant who does not speak English as a first language. The victim told police that the two unknown men told him that if he paid them a handsome fee, they would pay off all of his debts, which equal more than the fee. He told police he gave the men $60,000 and when they returned to give him receipts proving they had paid off all his debts, they actually just left him with a bundle of blank papers wrapped inside of tin foil and tape.

Spicy Food Police and fire crews showed up to a home in east Charlotte after a boy had to come to the rescue of his younger brother in the bathroom. A 33-year-old woman told rescue crews on the scene that her young son started a fire in the bathroom and quickly realized that he wasn't going to be able to control it. He reportedly went down the hall and told his older brother, who was luckily still able to put it out with his shoe. All in all, about $300 in damage was done.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.