I suspect my boyfriend of seven months loves his 9-year-old dog more than me. I am 54 and divorced twice. He is 57 and has been divorced three times. I am jealous of the way he treats and talks to his dog. I have even told him so. Is it worth my time and energy to wait around for my boyfriend to start treating me better?
Neglected Human Girlfriend
Your boyfriend has been "with" his dog for nine years, NHG, and he's been with you for only seven months. Considering his rocky track record with other human females, it's understandable that he might be less self-conscious about showing affection for his dependable old dog than for his brand-new girlfriend. You don't mention what he's doing for his dog that he doesn't do for you (table scraps? Belly rubs? Shock collars?), NHG, but the longer you "wait around," the more demonstrably affectionate your boyfriend is likely to become. But I can't imagine he'll want you around at all if you continue to waste time and energy being jealous of his dog.
Two Questions, Dan.
1. Recently, I went to a bar with my brother and encountered a friend from high school. My brother told me that, toward the end of the night, my friend followed him into the bathroom and made a drunken pass at him (which apparently involved a clumsy grab at his penis). My brother has no reason to lie about the incident. My inclination is to ignore the issue. If my friend is closeted or bi-curious, I feel like it isn't my place to force the issue and I should respect his privacy. Advice?
2. My bisexual girlfriend wants to take me to a gay bar. I'm not worried about being hit on, but I feel like hanging out at a gay club would be somewhat dishonest and touristy. Is my apprehension warranted?
Basic Respect Offered Sincerely
1. If your drunken, closeted friend had shown some respect, BROS, and managed to make a drunken-but-respectful pass at your brother, then I could endorse respecting your friend's privacy in turn. But your friend cornered your brother in a toilet and grabbed his cock. That's not OK, and someone needs to make it clear to your friend that there are consequences for behaving like that — outing himself to you as gay or bi and an asshole was the consequence this time, BROS, but someone needs to tell him that he could wind up assaulted and/or facing sexual-assault charges if the drunken cock-grabbing continues.
2. Most gay men don't mind seeing girls with their straight boyfriends in gay dance/party bars and clubs, BROS, but girls and unavailable/apprehensive straight boys ruin the vibe in darker, sleazier gay pickup joints. So stick to the party palaces (dance floors and drag shows), avoid the pickup joints (hard rock and trough urinals), and you'll be fine.
I'm a 37-year-old straight male and I've never had a girlfriend. I lost my virginity when I was 25 and proceeded to have sex with dozens of women over the next five years, but none lasted more than a night or two. Over the next few years, I dated with the goal of finding a relationship, not sex, and found neither, then a few years of depression. The question is: Am I screwed? Will women my age be willing to date someone with no relationship experience? Is it something I should be up front about?
Hope Over Personal Experience
There are tons of women your age who have similar dating histories — there are tons of women your age with no dating histories at all — and you won't be at a disadvantage, experience-wise, if you're willing to date one (or more) of them. Create a few online personal profiles, HOPE, and be up front, honest, and unapologetic about your dating history and your desire for a relationship. State that you are looking for a woman understanding enough to look past your inexperience and offer that you are willing and able to do the same. Good luck.
Where can straight women find men who won't make odd sexual requests?
Dumped One Again