Doing the Terrorism Strut 

The thing you gotta know is --Everything is show biz.-- Adolf Hitler, in Mel Brooks' The Producers

Oh boy, here we go. That's what I thought when I heard the announcement of the UK terrorist plot. Sure, I was as thankful as everyone else that the scheme had been stopped. But I cringed, waiting for the circus that was certain to follow. It wasn't a long wait.

Like a pre-programmed jack-in-the-box, the American "terror alert" level jumped to red. Authorities practically screamed, "We saved your lives! The terrorist attack was only four days away!" Macabre-looking Michael "Katrina" Chertoff -- can anyone explain how this guy still has a job? -- appeared on TV, puffed up and acting as if he had something to do with the arrests. In his wisdom, he banned liquids and gels from take-on luggage, and airports were jammed with lines that looked like a camp-out for Springsteen tickets.

That, of course, was just the show's first act. Republican pols wasted no time, jumping at the chance to divert attention from their failures, and maybe pick up votes the same way they did in 2002 and 2004, by scaring the hell out of people.

Dubya squinted manfully and declared the arrests "a stark reminder that this nation is at war with Islamic fascists" (thank you, Capt. Obvious), and "We must never make the mistake of thinking the danger of terrorism has passed," as if someone, no doubt some stinking Democrat, had actually said that.

Rep. Tom Reynolds, chairman of the House Republicans' campaign committee, went all out, claiming that the "defeatist ... reckless and irresponsible" Democrats "prefer a flag that is lily-white to a flag that is red, white and blue." Reynolds' rant came just a day after Dick Cheney said Joe Lieberman's loss in CT was good news for "the al-Qaeda types." Whew! Will someone please get these two guys some straitjackets?

Democrats, as slow as ever on the uptake, spewed and sputtered awhile before AR Sen. Mark Pryor finally delivered his party's anti-terror "Things To Do" list. Big whoop.

Meanwhile, the media fulfilled its duty as the public's eyes and ears in all-too-familiar fashion. First, they gave us stories about the accused terrorists and ... wait for it ... what their neighbors think of them. Thank you so much for trivializing one of the central issues of our time. What's next? Terrorists' favorite neighborhood restaurants? Not to fear, though. TV morning shows dug deep to get to the heart of the story, and told us how to pack for travel during a red alert -- which was no worse than reports about celebrities who were delayed at London's Heathrow airport. Fox News' Bill O'Reilly said the UK arrests proved the US should give police more power to detain people without charges, the Constitution and Supreme Court be damned. And readers started writing letters to the editor, basically saying, "We're all gonna die! Bush is great!"

It was all enough to make your head spin.

Lost in the media-massaged fear and tales of terrorists' neighbors, hardly anyone noticed the AP article that revealed BushCo's recent attempt to cut $6 million slated for developing new explosives detection technology. Nor did many people note the terrorism experts and former Dept. of Homeland Security officials who said DHS had done next to nothing to protect against plastic and liquid explosives, even though the US has known of terrorist plans to use them since 1994.

But after the first wave of showmanship was over and the stage fog lifted, another inconvenient fact -- inconvenient for BushCo, that is -- did gradually emerge, eventually becoming so clear that, lo and behold, some mainstream media outlets began to point it out. That was the fact that the UK arrests were the result of hard work by law enforcement -- British, American and Pakistani -- in cooperation with intelligence services.

It wasn't too long ago that Cheney was ridiculing John Kerry as "weak" because he suggested that the key to breaking terrorism's back is vigorous police work and on-the-ground human intelligence. Nonsense, said Big Dick. This is a military matter, not something to be left to windsurfing wusses who want to sing "Kumbaya" with Europe.

I wonder if Cheney still feels the same way this week. Wait, what am I thinking? Of course he feels the same way. It's clear that neither he nor Dubya can admit he's ever made a mistake. Some people are just like that. The problem is that when people "like that" run the country, we tend to get into big trouble. And since the US is a powerful country, other nations wind up paying for our "leaders"' pigheadedness, too.

Meanwhile, as BushCo and their buddies were doing their post-arrest strutting last week, like roosters taking credit for the dawn, five more American soldiers were killed in the greatest gift Osama bin Laden has ever received, the war in Iraq.

To contact John Grooms, e-mail him at john.grooms@creativeloafing.com.