I ended a two-and-a-half-year relationship six months ago. By "ended" I mean my then-boyfriend packed up everything I owned and put it on the lawn — just like in the movies! The reason for this was that he hacked into my e-mail and read some very graphic letters about an affair I'd had in Mexico just weeks prior. My CPOS justifications: (1) We were on a break, and I had been living with friends to escape his anger problems and emotional abuse. I was still seeing him periodically and slept with him a couple times. (2) He wouldn't go down on me. (3) When I tried to break up with him in the past, he threatened suicide. (4) He had many kinks and a history of cheating, and he threatened that if I didn't participate in gang bangs, he would find someone who would.
I didn't feel safe sexually or emotionally with him, and I found an evening of relief from my shitty relationship in Mexico while we were on a break. I felt energized, attractive, and like I was dealing with a healthy adult. That was the catalyst that got me out of the relationship on his terms, and I wouldn't do anything differently if I had a choice. Am I a CPOS?
My EX Isn't Completely Obtuse
For readers who are just joining us: A CPOS is a "cheating piece of shit," someone who cheats on a partner without grounds. You are not a CPOS, MEXICO. You had grounds: You wanted out, tried to get out, but couldn't get out because your crazy ex essentially took himself hostage by threatening suicide. (Which is an abuser's tactic, folks, please make a note of it.) Your infantile, manipulative, selfish ex wasn't allowing you to go peacefully. Cheating on him and getting caught may not have been a conscious exit strategy on your part, MEXICO, but it was a perfectly executed one.
I recently caught my boyfriend watching porn. We have talked about it before, and he said he didn't watch it while he was in a relationship. But when I caught him there with his dick in his hand, I lost it. I have never felt so hurt or betrayed. This is my first serious relationship. I can't get over how sick and sad I feel. It feels like he was cheating on me. Should I be as upset as I am? It was interactive porn — it was like he was cybersexing with one of his ex-girlfriends. What should I do?
Sad And Deceived
Was your boyfriend having cybersex with an ex-girlfriend? Or did it only feel like he was? I would make a distinction, SAD, because while all porn constitutes a betrayal of the terms of your relationship, interacting with a stranger and, very likely, a professional online shouldn't feel quite so threatening.
Backing way the hell up: Your boyfriend shouldn't have lied to you, SAD, but you shouldn't have been so naive as to believe him. If you can't bring yourself to forgive him for lying — if you can't put yourself in his shoes and try to understand why he might lie about this (shame, fear, a desire to spare your feelings) — then this relationship is doomed. End it and find a new boyfriend. But when your next boyfriend tells you he doesn't watch porn, you're going to look at him and say, "Suuuuuure, you don't."
Ask your new boyfriend to be discreet and limit his porn consumption to an extent where you're unlikely to uncover any evidence of it, as porn upsets you. If your new boyfriend manages to do that for you, SAD, if he's considerate enough to cover his tracks, you should be considerate enough to turn a blind eye on those rare occasions when you do stumble over evidence that your new boyfriend watches porn — just like your old boyfriend did and all your future boyfriends will.
I have a fetish for sweaty, smelly, stinky female feet, but I don't know how to approach strange women and ask them to fulfill my wishes. It sucks that the only way to maybe get what I want is to hire an escort or go to one of those foot parties that are always held in huge cities hundreds of miles away from where I live.
How can I realize my dreams in the small hick town where I live? Any suggestions?
Desperate For Feet
Sorry, DFF, but you're just gonna have to move to a big city (or travel to one) to realize your dreams of sweaty, smelly, stinky female feet. And if your dreams revolve around servicing the feet of more than one loving, indulgent woman, then you're gonna have to pay nice ladies to make your dreams come true. Approaching strange women in hick towns or big cities and asking them to indulge your fetish isn't going to get you anywhere other than a sex-offender registry.