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Hopes and dreams and sex 

High school grad should make that forward pass

I am currently a senior in high school, but come Saturday, I will be a high-school grad (fuck yeah!). The only thing I'm worried about, besides my hopes and dreams and making it in the real world? My sex life. I'm a virgin. When I go online, I see all my friends and peers having these crazy, awesome, smoking-hot sex lives. I am obsessed with this guy in my class. Like all teenage-girl crushes, I can't get him out of my head. I could spot him on the other side of campus in all his tank-top-wearing, soccer-playing glory. I've been sitting in class all day thinking about all the sex we will probably never have. I want to know if it would be weird for me to ask him to hook up at a post-graduation party? I don't care if my first time is with someone "special," I just feel like if I don't say something to him now, I'll never get a chance to have sex at all, with anyone, ever.

Does It Get Sexier?

First, DIGS, some research shows a link between time spent on social media and depression. The issue seems to be people comparing what they know of their own lives — which are complicated, messy and sometimes painful — with the idealized portrait others create of their own lives on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. Remember: While your friends may appear to have crazy, awesome, fun-filled lives on Facebook, their actual lived reality likely includes as many sads and fails as your life does.

Something else to bear in mind: Teenagers are waiting longer to have sex, according to the Guttmacher Institute, and nearly 40 percent of 18-year-olds of both sexes are not yet sexually active. So you are not a freak, DIGS. All of your friends and peers may tell you they're sexually active — or their Facebook and Instagram posts may imply that they're sexually active — but the data tells us (and I'm telling you) that some of your friends are liars.

Finally, this boy is not the last boy on earth. You will have other chances to have sex, with other people, lots. But I think you should make a pass at this boy — if not for the sexual experience, then for the experience of making the pass itself. Make it an honest, straightforward and explicit pass. ("I've had such a crush on you, and this is crazy, but fuck me maybe?") If he's interested, tell him you're a virgin, tell him condoms are required, and tell him you'd rather do it sober or soberish. If he's not interested, well, that'll suck. You'll have to wait a bit longer for your first sexual experience, DIGS, but you'll have an opportunity to practice handling rejection with grace ("Well, I still think you're a great guy, and I hope things won't be awkward between us") and you'll see that rejection isn't the end of the world — or the end of boys, either. Good luck!

I'm a married straight man. My wife and I have been married for five years. I thought my wife was GGG and open to new things, so six months ago I brought up my desire to wear lingerie — she did not react well. We struggled a bit but gradually got back to normal, with me just not mentioning it again. My birthday is soon, so I proposed a weekend of indulgence of my fetish as a birthday present. I thought that would be easy enough to accommodate. I was wrong and got totally and uncomfortably denied. I'm at a loss for what to do. I don't want to destroy a marriage over a small sexual interest, but I don't want to be locked into vanilla sex forever. Any advice on getting her to come around?

Partner Against Nighties That Intrigue Eager Spouse

Someone can be "open to new things" without being "open to everything." So your wife might be up for exploring other sexual kinks, positions and circumstances — hubby-in-lingerie isn't the only form of non-vanilla sex out there — but seeing you in panties could be a "libido killer," a term coined by Emily "Dear Prudence" Yoffe. If that's the case, PANTIES, she may never come around. But if it's not a libido killer, if it's just something she hasn't had time to wrap her head around, your best course of action is to drop the subject for now. Let the wife see that your interest isn't all-consuming and you still enjoy vanilla sex in gender-conforming underpants, and indulging this particular kink may come to seem less threatening.

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