Dear Karma Cleanser:
I met a guy who I soon fell head over heels in love with. Everything seemed to go right in the relationship. I wasn't needy, I trusted him and gave him what I had if I had it. Everything changed when I confessed my feelings to him. About a month later, he disappeared.
I later found out that he was back with his ex-girlfriend and happy. I was shattered by the news. He changed his numbers and never gave me that call to formally say it was over. I never uttered an ill word about him. If he was happy, so was I. I'll admit that I wanted to tear his lover's throat out, but I kept my space.
Is this karma teaching me a lesson? I always used to look down on women who gave their hearts away and got all sappy with love. I was pretty level-headed through the entire fiasco; I didn't demand closure or anything. I just backed away to lick my wounds. I still love him, too. Did I deserve that pain for my past ignorance?
-- Lost Love
Nobody deserves pain for wanting to see their love reciprocated, unless they're dating a neo-Nazi sympathizer who clubs baby seals to death just for kicks. Which, you weren't. So your beau got back with his former love: Good for him. She will be the one who deals with all his baggage and bullshit -- not you. If he disappeared on you, he'll do it to her, too. Don't dwell on your past ignorance, but know that the thoroughly romanticized notion you have of the love that might've been is just that, a fantasy.
Dear Karma Cleanser:
About a month ago, I responded to an ad for sex that was posted on Craigslist. The guy came over to my house, we had a few drinks, watched a movie, then made out. No sex. Just a nice little makeout session and some very real longing. He could tell that this was something more than either of us had bargained for, and as soon as I started to unzip his pants, he abruptly stood up and said this was getting too "real" for him. He left, although he did say he'd call.
We've traded e-mails twice since then and haven't gotten together again. I think I am developing real feelings for this person. I also fear that my feelings are one-sided. I worry that this is karma getting me back for all the completely empty hook-ups I've had in the past.
-- A Loner, Again
Too often, we hear from readers who mistake karma for common sense. Conventional wisdom plainly says, "Don't go to an anonymous Web site thinking you might find true love." Maybe you couldn't have predicted the unexpected intensity that erupted in this situation, but don't for one second start to think that a pound of real passion on your part will translate to an ounce of follow-through on his.
Been bad? karmacleanser@gmail.com.
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