THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO MARKET: Julie Delpy, Adam Goldberg and Albert Delpy in 2 Days in Paris
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UPCHUCK WOULD HAVE been a more accurate title for this nauseating effort -- not only does its mere existence instantly elevate the already high standing of such accomplished "raunchy comedies" as The 40-Year-Old Virgin and There's Something About Mary, it also makes them seem as refined as an Ernst Lubitsch farce from the 1930s by comparison.
Dane Cook, whose popularity continues to elude me, plays Chuck, who, as a 10-year-old, had a hex placed on him by a Goth girl, stating that whenever he sleeps with a woman, she will then marry the next man who woos her. This allows Chuck to have sex with all sorts of buxom babes (and, in a couple of cruel sequences straight out of Norbit, obese ones as well) without worrying about commitment issues. But he grows tired of such a shallow lifestyle, especially after meeting Cam (the eternally vapid Jessica Alba), a klutzy penguin specialist he's afraid he'll eventually lose to the curse.
The central premise is no more farfetched than those exhibited in such frothy comedies as 13 Going on 30 and Big, yet Good Luck Chuck forgoes quirky charm and endearing characters in order to focus on bottom-of-the-barrel gross-out gags involving sex with stuffed penguins, grapefruits and a woman with three breasts. Cook and Alba generate about as much chemistry as a mongoose paired with a rattlesnake, while Dan Fogler, as Chuck's foul-mouthed best friend, will likely endure as the movie year's most obnoxious sidekick.
After the film's advance screening, sponsors handed out eMusic cards good for 35 free song downloads, perhaps as a goodwill gesture for having to sit through such a torturous experience. In my case, it wasn't compensation enough: Considering my suffering (not to mention lost hours), nothing short of full partnership in eMusic would have sufficed.
2 DAYS IN PARIS
***1/2
DIRECTED BY Julie Delpy
STARS Julie Delpy, Adam Goldberg
IN THE VALLEY OF ELAH
***1/2
DIRECTED BY Paul Haggis
STARS Tommy Lee Jones, Charlize Theron
FEAST OF LOVE
**1/2
DIRECTED BY Robert Benton
STARS Morgan Freeman, Greg Kinnear
THE KINGDOM
**1/2
DIRECTED BY Peter Berg
STARS Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner
INTERVIEW
**
DIRECTED BY Steve Buscemi
STARS Sienna Miller, Steve Buscemi
GOOD LUCK CHUCK
*
DIRECTED BY Mark Helfrich
STARS Dane Cook, Jessica Alba
PHOTOS: To see more photos of the reviewed films, go to www.theclogblog.com.
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