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Mind your pees 

This "simple heterosexual girl" has an odd kink

You always take questions from BDSMers and cuckolds and other hardcore sexers, but will you take mine? I plead with you! Won't you please offer some advice for me, a simple heterosexual girl having problems with her heterosexual male?!? My boyfriend always closes and locks the door behind him when he pees. It hurts my feelings! Being a part of his pissing experience would turn me on and arouse me! He claims he does this because he is pee shy. But he pees in public restrooms in front of other men! So if he knows that I like it, and if the issue isn't about being pee shy, then why can't he pee in front of me?!? Why is he "NO GIRLS ALLOWED" about this?!? I would be grateful for your advice on how to get him to relax with his peeing moments a little more because I'm BORED. Thanks!

Personally Insulted Since Sexy Entrance Denied

You're just a simple heterosexual girl who wants to be part of her boyfriend's "pissing experience" because that would turn you on — nothing kinky or hardcore about that, no sir. You're just after some old-fashioned, all-American, plain-vanilla voyeuristic piss play.

I'm not sure there's anything I could say here that would persuade your boyfriend to include you in his pissing experience. If knowing that it would make his piss-freak girlfriend insanely horny doesn't motivate a guy to unlock the door and let her watch, PISSED, he's unlikely to be convinced by some gay dude with an advice column. (But just in case: Hey, PISSED's BF! Open the damn door!) So if watching your boyfriend piss is really that important to you, PISSED, you'll have to get a new boyfriend or start following the one you've got into public restrooms.

I'm a longtime reader, but this is my first time posing a dilemma to you. I'm a 32-year-old pansexual woman. I date a lot of people (mostly guys these days) and have recently started seeing a 22-year-old het male. The thing is, he's in a serious (but open) relationship with a 26-year-old woman. He's asked me if I'm into playing around with both of them in the near future. I'm into it on principle alone (who wouldn't want to fuck a girl and a guy at the same time?!?), but I'm not sure if it's a good idea. I haven't met the girl yet, but she sounds cool from what I've heard. I'd like to do it, but I don't want to deal with the awkwardness around it, let alone have their relationship suffer (and mine with the guy) as a result of playing together. What do you suggest?

Toronto Poly Virgin

Who wouldn't want to fuck a girl and a guy at the same time? I wouldn't, TPV, as I'm gay, gayer, gayest. But I don't see why you — pan, panner, pannest — wouldn't jump at the chance. (After you've met the other girl in person, established a mutual attraction, and negotiated the terms of your surrender.) Could this three-way end awkwardly? Of course it could. But billions and billions of two-ways have ended awkwardly over the centuries, and that fact didn't stop you from having a two-way with this 22-year-old het male, right? The addition of a third person may mean a 33 percent greater chance of someone feeling awkward after the three-way is over, and that isn't awesome. But there is a 100 percent chance of having a three-way, TPV, and that is awesome.

I am a het husband. Before we married, I let my wife know that I loved spanking women and I was not a faithful man. Fast-forward 20 years: She does not like to be spanked and does not want me cheating, despite my earlier proclamation. So I watch spanking porn and remain faithful. Am I cheating on my wife with porn? Was I not specific enough when we got married?

Wannabe Intensely Spanking Husband

You are not cheating on your wife when you watch porn — spanking or otherwise. And I don't think getting together with other women for spanking-only playdates would constitute cheating. Sadly for you, WISH, I'm not your wife.

I'm sure you've received a million e-mails about this (Savage Love, "The A's to the Q's," April 3), but the correct answer, according to my wife (who was raised Baptist but — thank God — is Baptist no longer!): A Methodist will say "Hi" when they see you in the liquor store.

Just Thought You Should Know

Thanks for sharing, JTYSK, and send my love to the wife.

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