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Mommie dearest 

This parent sounds like a nightmare

When I was a teenager, my mother found some dirty stories I wrote on my computer. They were hardcore (bondage, slavery, whippings), and some featured neighborhood MILFs that I had crushes on. I was 14 at the time. My mom went ballistic and terrorized me about my kinks until I left for college. I hated my mother so much during this time. I didn't feel like I could trust her, and I never confided in her about anything. It took me a decade to get over it. I'm now 30, straight and married. My wife and I appear to be "normal." But we are both into bondage and S&M, we go to fetish parties, and we've explored cuckolding and forced bi. My wife and I aren't a perfect fit — I enjoyed cuckolding (my fantasy) but not so much forced bi (seeing me suck dick was her fantasy) — but our kinks have brought us a lot of joy. Cutting to the chase: My wife is pregnant. We announced the news to my mom and dad, and they were delighted. I was honestly delighted to make my parents so happy. Then my mother sent me an e-mail saying that I had her to thank for my relationship and my child-to-be. If she hadn't "nipped those dark sexual impulses in the bud," I would "not now have a lovely wife and a morally acceptable lifestyle," and she wouldn't be expecting her first grandchild. Mom thinks her five-year-long campaign of shaming me — and constantly spying on me and haranguing me — cured me of my kinks! I'm so angry. I want to tell my mother that she has my "dark sexual impulses" to thank for her first grandchild! I met my kinky wife on Fetlife! No kinks, no wife! No wife, no grandchild! My wife would rather not be outed as kinky to her mother-in-law and says to let it go. What do you say?

Mad Over Terribly Hurtful E-mail Received

I agree with your wife: Let it go. Ignore your mother's hurtful e-mail — just don't respond — and focus on your wife and the child you two are having together. The last thing you need is your mother getting in your wife's face about her kinks or running to fetus protective services because she believes kinky parents are a danger to their children.

But ...

Just in case your mother brings it up again — if she presses you for an undeserved thank-you-for-terrorizing-me note — write an e-mail to your mother, one that your wife sees in advance and approves. Something along the lines of: "My adolescent sexual fantasies were none of your business, and your inability to respect my privacy and sexual autonomy caused me great personal distress at the time. Your actions did not help me. They damaged our relationship. My adult sex life is none of your business, and I am not going to answer any invasive or inappropriate questions. All you need to know is this: My wife and I very happy together — both emotionally and sexually compatible — and if you want to be fully involved in the life of your grandchild, you will never bring this subject up again."

My wonderful boyfriend and I have been in a monogamish relationship for five years. We're both GGG, and we have had a few threesomes involving women, a fantasy both of us shared. My biggest fantasy, however, is to be with two men. I've brought it up with my BF, but he just doesn't find men attractive and isn't into it. Now a former fling of mine (male) told me that he finds my BF attractive and would love to be with both of us. The two sexiest men I've ever known together with me would be an absolute wet dream come true! I feel like my BF is a little nervous about being with another man because (a) he has performance anxiety and/or (b) he's not comfortable exploring his sexuality (he grew up in a small town and was teased a lot about being gay because he was in theater). If he could get past his insecurities, I feel like he might enjoy himself. Should I just give up this dream?

Wishes He Were A Little Bi

Your boyfriend isn't bi, WHWALB, he's not even heteroflexible, and he's made it clear that he's turned off by the idea of a threesome with another male. Even if you could talk him into it, arranging a threesome with a dude who has expressed a sexual interest in your boyfriend would be disrespectful and potentially disastrous. Drop it.

What is the lesbian synonym for twink?

Can't Ask Lesbian Friends

I tossed your question to the wolves who follow me on Twitter, CALF, and got a few suggestions: twyke, dykelet and Bieber. But the term of art is "baby dyke."

Recently on the Lovecast: Dan chats with a panel of sex workers; how to come out as polyamorous to your children; and Dan matches wits with 74-time Jeopardy! winner Ken Jennings. All at

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