Congrats, Dan. It looks like you've got your first high-profile "monogamish" public figure: Newt Gingrich. You must be so proud.
Savage Can't Understand Monogamy
For anyone who has spent the last few weeks under a rock: Newt Gingrich, brave defender of traditional marriage, was still married to his second wife — and still fucking the consecrated host out of his "devout Catholic" mistress — when he asked his second wife to agree to an open marriage. Newt had been fucking Callista, his devoutly Catholic mistress, for six years when he made the big ask. Newt's second wife wouldn't agree to an open marriage, according to Newt's second wife, which is how she became Newt's second ex-wife and Newt's mistress — the devoutly Catholic Callista — became Newt's third wife.
That's not monogamish, SCUM. That's CPOSish. And lumping honest nonmonogamists — people who don't lie or cheat — in with the likes of the Gingriches and Schwarzeneggers of the world, which whiny and insecure monogamists (who are not to be confused with reasonable and secure monogamists) are always doing, is simply unfair. Newt, like Arnold before him, didn't succeed at nonmonogamy, he failed at monogamy.
The Gingrich campaign has presented the wholesome story of Newt and Callista's courtship as a redemption narrative: Newt is a better man today thanks to Callista, he's better suited to be president thanks to Callista, and he's better prepared to defend traditional marriage thanks to Callista. She's been described as a "devout Catholic" in every profile written about her — so devout that her love brought Newt to the one, holy, Catholic, apostolic, and ever-more-rabidly anti-gay church. So it seems to me that it's fair to ask if Callista knew in advance that Newt was proposing an open marriage to his then-wife and approved of the arrangement. Did Callista know about Newt's open marriage proposal? Did Newt bounce the idea off his devoutly Catholic mistress first? Maybe right after he finished bouncing himself off his devoutly Catholic mistress?
Would the devout Catholic still be Newt's mistress today if the second Mrs. Gingrich had agreed to remain in the marriage that Newt had already opened?
This news alters the redemption narrative that the Gingrich camp set before the voters. So questioning Callista about the open marriage proposal — what did the mistress know and when did she know it? — seems like an entirely legit line of inquiry to me.
Callista Gingrich, like her vile husband, doesn't believe that gays and lesbians should be equal under the law because, as a good Catholic, she believes that homosexuality is a sin and that homosexuals should remain celibate. Well, the Catholic Church considers adultery, divorce, and birth control sinful, too. Someone in the liberal media really ought to ask Callista to explain why her faith should place limits on my sexual expression but not her own.
How are you supposed to react to the discovery — entirely accidental — that your youngest brother has a "femdom" relationship with his wife? I stumbled over my brother's "anonymous" sex blog. It goes into detail about the "domestic discipline" she subjects him to: humiliation, spanking, "ruined orgasms" (whatever that is!), cuckolding. There are no names, but there are pictures. Their faces are blurred out, but I recognize their living room, their bedroom, the necklace my sister-in-law wears, my brother's chin and hair. If I recognized them, other family members might. What do I say?
Biggest Big Bro
Besides "Hey, bro, I'm kinky, too!"? (You "stumbled over" your brother's kinky sex blog? How'd that happen? Did he leave it sitting in your driveway?) If you can't bring yourself to say that, you say nothing and trust that more-distant, less-kinky family members are unlikely to "stumble over" your brother's blog. And even if they do, they're probably not familiar enough with your brother and sister-in-law's home, jewelry, chins, etc., to recognize him.
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