Mobile
Pat's Light Rail Chatroom
The mayor's secret IMs, pt. 2
Chat w/ BigTuber and CityMama.
10 a.m.
Fratboy1: Ron? Pam?
Fratboy1: Ron Tober, Pam Syfert, u there?
BigTuber: Rite here, Pat.
CityMama: I'm here, 2.
Fratboy1: OK, good. Let's get down 2 it. U know yr asses are in a sling over these cost overruns & Parsons' shitty engineering. I want 2 know what u're gonna do.
BigTuber: I think things are proceeding along nicely. We're threatening 2 sue Parsons, so that should take some heat off us 4 awhile.
CityMama: OMG! Proceeding along nicely?! Yeah, if u like being slammed in the press every day. All this public attention is killing me. U know I work better in the dark.
Fratboy1: All I know is that people R demanding answers.
CityMama: OK, so, what do u wanna do?
Fratboy1: Well, 4 starters, why don't u set up a real-time system of constant oversight. B sure 2 include weekly cost checks, & give city council a bi-weekly report.
BigTuber: Huh?
CityMama: Huh?
Fratboy1: LOL!! LOL!! Boy, I had u 2 going there for a minute!
BigTuber: Whew! :) Man, don't do that. U almost gave me a heart attack.
CityMama: Jesus. I thought u were serious.
Fratboy1: Woo-hoo, that's rich. Now look, I know these council geeks are a joke, but we need 2 throw them a bone. What if we find a new fall guy?
CityMama: Like who?
Fratboy1: I don't know, how about the Trolley? Didn't they screw us or something?
BigTuber: No, we screwed them.
Fratboy1: Oh yeah. Well, is there any way 2 throw the whole mess on the county?
CityMama: WTF? Pat, u're in yr 6th term. Shouldn't u know how local govt works by now?
Fratboy1: What R u saying? Do u need me 2 cut a ribbon?
CityMama: Never mind.
BigTuber: LOL!
Fratboy1: Huh? Whatever. Now, do u agree we have 2 pass the buck?
BigTuber: What else can we do? I yelled @ Parsons, that didn't work. I even tried 2 quit, but Pam wouldn't let me!
CityMama: U big baby. U think u're gonna leave me 2 take all the blame?
BigTuber: Y not? U deserve more blame than anybody. @ least I had SOME oversight. I did tell u about the problems, rite?
CityMama: Yeah, but 2 late. Like I've got time 2 babysit u. U let things go 2 hell & then tell council that everything's "proceeding along nicely"? Pleez.
Fratboy1: Hold on a minute, u 2.
CityMama: No, U wait a minute, Pat. U knew there were problems wherever Parsons set up shop - u had a reporter hounding u about it 3 yrs ago & u didn't tell me shit.
Fratboy1: Isn't that yr job, 2 know about the contractors' past history? That's 1 job u obviously didn't do.
BigTuber: Who was the reporter? Tara SoVicious? Hahahaha.
Fratboy1: Yeah, it was her, & u're not funny.
CityMama: Funny-looking, maybe.
BigTuber: WTF?!
CityMama: Yeah, Mr Potato Head, funny-looking -- I'm so mad @ u 4 getting me in hot water, I could scream.
BigTuber: Yeah, well, if I looked like u, I'd sure-nuf scream, u pompous cow.
Fratboy1: OMG! Will u 2 chill out?
CityMama: O, shut up, u smiley-faced weasel. I'm sick of u, 2. When are u gonna get a real job & let me run the town the way I want?
Fratboy1: Oh, like u're not already? U watch it, lady, or I'll have u fired.
CityMama: U can't fire me, frat monkey, that takes a vote by City Council, & I've got them wrapped around my finger.
BigTuber: O yeah? U coulda fooled me @ the last council meeting.
CityMama: Yeah, & whose fault is that, Mr "Proceeding along nicely"?
BigTuber: Pompous cow.
CityMama: Potato Head.
Fratboy1: Jesus H Christ, will u 2 calm the hell down & get serious about this? We've got 2 figure out how 2 save our asses here.
CityMama: U're rite. Sorry, Ron, I take back the Potato Head crack.
BigTuber: OK & u're not a cow.
CityMama: How about that "pompous" thing?
Fratboy1: Will u 2 f-in' RELAX?
BigTuber: I'm not taking that from u, Smiley. I've busted the budget on other transit systems before this one, & I can do it again.
Fratboy1: Yeah, & probably take everybody else down with u, 2. I think maybe we should just take u up on yr resignation idea.
BigTuber: Hey, suits me.
CityMama: Me 2, if it'll save my ass & get me out of this chatroom. Look, I gotta run. Ron, I'm swamped, I'll have 2 fire u tomorrow.
CityMama has left the chat.
Fratboy1: U're already looking 4 another job, rite?
BigTuber: U bet I am. It's proceeding along nicely.
BigTuber has left the chat.
Again, thanks to Danielle Crittenden's "The President's Secret IM's" feature at www.huffingtonpost.com.
To contact John Grooms, e-mail him at john.grooms@creativeloafing.com.
Speaking of 4.25000
-
The Blotter
Sep 26, 2007 -
Abdicating Her Throne
Jul 4, 2007 -
The Blotter
Feb 7, 2007 - More »
Latest in Boomer with Attitude
-
Duke sludge spill makes things clear
Feb 19, 2014 -
Bombs, booze and history
Feb 12, 2014 -
GOP myths about the poor hindering U.S. recovery
Feb 6, 2014 - More »
Calendar
-
Charlotte Wine & Food Week’s Annual Sake Dinner at Mizu @ Mizu
- Wed., April 17, 6:30 p.m.
-
-
Hands On Cocktail Class Featuring Gin at DTR Southpark @ DTR SouthPark
- Wed., April 17, 7 p.m.
-
-
Charlotte Wine + Food Week Presented by Truist @ Charlotte, NC
- Wed., April 17, Thu., April 18, Fri., April 19, Sat., April 20 and Sun., April 21
-
-
Charlotte Knights vs. Syracuse Mets @ Charlotte Knights- Wed., April 17, 11:05 a.m., Thu., April 18, 7:04 p.m., Fri., April 19, 7:04 p.m., Sat., April 20, 6:05 p.m. and Sun., April 21, 1:05 p.m.
-
-
Wine & Paint @ Blackfinn Ameripub- Ballantyne
- Thu., April 18, 6-9 p.m.
-
-
A Beginners Guide To Fishing 1
-
Question the Queen City: The historic Wearn House can still be saved 2
Though it's been on the chopping block for years, there's still hope for the historic structure.
-
10 best movie striptease scenes
Salma Hayek, Jessica Alba and more.
