I'm a 25-year-old straight man. One of my best buddies is gay, and I'm in gay bars with him twice a week or so. (We like to drink!) My question: What's the correct response when I get hit on by men in gay bars? If a guy comes on strong, I kind of feel bad saying, "I'm straight." Because I don't want him to think I'm saying, "You're disgusting." So what's the etiquette for a straight guy in a gay bar? Is it wrong to say you have a boyfriend instead of just saying you're straight?
Not Overly Concerned Lost Useless Entity
Guys who either don't have boyfriends or do have boyfriends but are in monogamish relationships will frequently say "I have a boyfriend" to get rid of a guy at a bar who they don't find attractive. So be honest, NOCLUE. Finding out he never had a shot at you because you're straight will be easier on a guy's ego than having to wonder what it is you and your imaginary boyfriend didn't find attractive about him.
Now, some gay dudes will be annoyed when they discover that the guy they've invested 10 whole minutes in eye-fucking isn't gay, but most will welcome your presence as proof that — forgive me — it gets better. Straight dudes hanging out in gay bars with their gay friends? Straight dudes who are secure enough in their own sexuality that they're comfortable with being viewed as a sex object by other men? Sure signs of progress, NOCLUE. That some gay dudes will have to waste a few precious minutes of their lives flirting with men they can't suckfuckrimdatemarry is a small price to pay to be reminded that we live in a less homophobic world.
Six months ago, my 17-year-old son told me that he was seeing [insert male name]. No biggie. What troubles me: My son and his boyfriend are "furries" and open about it. The boyfriend is 18 and sweet, but he's clearly the more dominant one. I'm worried that my son may not know how to say no to him. Adding to my concerns: I found a dog collar in the kitchen with an engraved tag with my son's name on it. Dog collars seem like a heavy activity for a lad, Dan, and today I noticed a bruise on his throat that's the size of a collar buckle. How do I ensure he is exploring safely without freaking him out?
Why This Fetish?
Go ahead and freak him out, WTF.
Your son is being open with you about his sexuality — openly gay, openly furred, openly collared — and you shouldn't hesitate to be open about your concerns. You won't be able to talk him out of his kinks, WTF, if they're his kinks (and not, say, a teenage affectation), so focus on the issues: power dynamics and sexual safety. Tell him it's important that he be able to say no to his boyfriend, and let him know that you're there for him if he has questions or concerns or needs a sounding board. Then ask him about the bruise on his neck. Dog collars are harmless — lots of kids and kinksters wear 'em — but if he and his boyfriend are playing choking games with that collar, and that's where the bruise came from, that's a very dangerous activity and it has to stop immediately.
In your shoes, WTF, I would bark at the boyfriend about that bruise, too. Furry, schmurry. It's erotic asphyxiation that you should be worried about.
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