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Swing, baby batter, swing! 

Who's your daddy?

My husband and I have been happy swingers for four years. Our issue? I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy two years ago, and neither of us has wavered in our desire to remain child-free. We know the "father" is the male of a couple we play with regularly. We used protection, of course, but we know these things are never foolproof. We consider ourselves good friends with this couple, but we are not in any sort of "poly" relationship with them.

Our question is this: Do we need to tell the couple about what happened and our decision to terminate the pregnancy? We wouldn't ask them to help pay for the procedure, and their feelings on the matter wouldn't change our course of action. We're just unsure about the "swinger etiquette" in this situation.

No Acronym Here

No method of birth control is foolproof — not even a vasectomy. Just like condoms and IUDs and the pill, vasectomies have failure rates. Now, the failure rate for vasectomies, according to the Centers for Disease Control, clocks in at 0.01 percent, which is far, far lower than the failure rate for, say, condoms (3 percent failure rate with "perfect use," 15 percent with "typical use"). But there are numerous documented cases of men who've had vasectomies impregnating their female partners. There are no documented cases two years after a successful vasectomy... but what if your husband's vasectomy wasn't successful?

So it's possible that your husband fertilized that egg, NAH. You can cling to that small possibility and opt not to inform the other couple about your pregnancy and your decision to terminate. But I would urge you to tell them. One in three North American women have had an abortion, NAH, but millions of men don't know that they have benefited from access to safe and legal abortion services because their female partners quietly terminated pregnancies without informing them.

On the off chance that your play buddy is one of those guys who either is against abortion or hasn't given the issue much thought — because he's never needed one — you should let him know that your freedom to choose has directly benefited him and his family. You should also let him know that there's a small chance your husband impregnated you. Either way, you're terminating this pregnancy.

I'm a gay man who is about to turn 35. Somehow, 30 didn't bother me, but being halfway to 70 is freaking me out. The gay world is obsessed with youth and beauty, and once you're not young and hot anymore, your life may as well be over. If you don't have a tight ass and ripped abs and a hot cock, you have no value and nothing to contribute. Why is the gay world so shallow?

One Very Enraged Romantic

Ed Murray was 58 years old when he became the mayor of Seattle. Larry Kramer was 52 when he inspired the founding of ACT UP. Bayard Rustin was 51 when he organized the historic 1963 March on Washington. Harvey Milk was 47 years old when he was elected to the San Francisco Board of Supervisors. Barney Frank was 41 when he was first elected to Congress in 1981 and 73 when he retired last year. Neil Patrick Harris was 41 when he won a Tony Award for starring in the Broadway revival of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Jonathan Capehart was 40 when he became a member of the Washington Post's editorial board in 2007. Tony Kushner was 37 when he won the Pulitzer Prize for Angels in America. George Takei (77), RuPaul (53), Andrew Sullivan (50), Andy Cohen (46), Jared Polis (39) — I could go on.

If you don't think gay men over 35 — or 50 or 60 or 70 — have anything to contribute, OVER, then it's not the "gay world" that's shallow, it's you.

The sitch: Tend bar with a hot girl who has a boyfriend. Hit on her anyway because I'm that guy. She says I can fuck her but only if her boyfriend gets to watch and eat her out after. I don't want anything to do with that scene. I was down for some traditional cheating, not this kinky shit. But I'd still like to fuck this girl. Any advice for me?

Blue-Balled Baller

Nope.

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