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Three's company 

Or is it really a crowd?

I'm a feminine, submissive dyke. My girlfriend is absolutely amazing, and our sex life is awesome and really kinky. The problem is two of my friends. I've formed a pretty tight trio with two hot, funny tops. I've got tiny, manageable crushes on them both. My girlfriend knows, but she's secure enough in our relationship that she isn't bothered by it. The problem? My friends are fucking each other. They're also in happy open relationships with other women. Sounds great, right? Even though they're great friends most of the time, they definitely leave me feeling like the third wheel once in a while. How can I gently remind them that, even though they're not sleeping with me, I'd like a little more platonic attention friendship-wise?

Satisfied Under Butches

I suppose you could sit your friends down and say, "Hey, when you two move out of your friends-in-open-relationships-with-benefits honeymoon phase, I could use a little more friends-without-benefits attention." But there's almost no way to say that without coming across like a jealous, controlling bag of dykenuts, SUB. So I would urge you to hang back and trust that this honeymoon phase, like all honeymoon phases, will eventually pass, and these two friends will have more time for you in the future.

In the meantime, fuck your girlfriend lots and hang out with other friends. And remember: When you're feeling like the third wheel, SUB, it's because you're probably functioning as the third wheel. While first and second wheels can make an effort to prevent thirds from feeling like the thirds they are, thirds that make a decision to roll elsewhere generally wind up feeling better.

My wife and I have been together for 20 years. I love to receive oral, but my wife has no interest when I try to return the favor. She claims it does nothing for her. We celebrated Obama's reelection with a bottle of wine in the bedroom. When I made a move downstairs, she didn't stop me. However, she said it tickled her like crazy. Is this common? Is there something I can do to make this experience less hilarious for my wife?

What's So Funny?

Some women struggle with hang-ups or body issues that make it difficult for them to relax and enjoy being on the receiving end of oral sex. But some women who don't struggle with hang-ups or body issues simply don't enjoy receiving oral sex. If your wife is generally comfortable in her own skin and with her own body, WSF, you may have to take her word for it when she says that oral sex does nothing for her. But if it truly does nothing for her — "nothing" would include "annoy" and "turn off" — maybe she can lie back and enjoy what it does for you.

I recently found out my husband once responded to an online ad from some guy seeking to give blowjobs to other men. He actually went to the guy's apartment but chickened out after meeting him. This was 10 years ago, long before we were even dating, and it was during an extremely long (five-year) dry spell for him. I don't know whether I'm turned on or creeped out by this, but I am definitely having a reaction to the secret he shared with me. Can you help me make heads or tails of all this? Should I be worried he'll end up getting rest-stop blowjobs one day?

All Mixed Up

During an extremely long (four-year) dry spell of my own, AMU, I responded more than once to offline offers of blowjobs from girls. I was horny, I was desperate, and my powers of concentration were such that I could close my eyes and pretend — and I'm really dating myself here — that Bo Duke was blowing me.

Desperate men do desperate things, AMU, and just as my teenage/closeted desperation drove me into the arms, beds and mouths of some nice young women, similarly desperate straight guys have been known to accept blowjobs from gay or bi dudes. And just as the concentrate-on-Bo-Duke blowjobs I got from girls back in the '80s didn't make me straight, the concentrate-on-Sofia-Vergara blowjobs straight guys get from dudes today don't make them gay.

It's possible, of course, that your husband will wind up getting rest-stop blowjobs one day — anything is possible — but that one time he almost got a blowjob from another dude doesn't make rest-stop blowjobs any more or less likely. (I'm assuming your husband is telling the truth about not going through with it.) And as your being turned on by the thought of the husband getting a blowjob from another man doesn't make those rest-stop blowjobs any likelier either, AMU, I think you should go ahead and let yourself be turned on by the idea.

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