Is it normal for my man to be so attracted to boobs that even though mine are beautiful and perfect, my boyfriend still wants to look at every other woman with a set of big boobs that he can? Aren't mine enough?
Boyfriend Ogles Other Breasts
You sound like a new reader, BOOB, so before we get to the advice, I wanna welcome you to the Savage Love family. With that out of the way ...
Nope, yours aren't enough.
Yep, it's normal for a straight man to look at women's boobs — boobs on the woman he's with, boobs on women he's not with, boobs on women who don't technically exist and can't be gotten with, e.g., Veronica Lodge, Lara Croft, Nicki Minaj. Did you think checking out boobs was a symptom of leukemia or something? And while your set may be practically perfect in every way — which would make you the Mary Poppins of boobs — your man is still gonna check out other women's sets.
But your man shouldn't be a dick about it. While it's perfectly normal for a partnered straight guy to check out other women — just as it's perfectly normal for a partnered straight woman to check out other men (see you at Magic Mike this weekend, ladies) — your man should be discreet. He can train himself to look without looking like he's looking; he can learn to check out other women without ogling them. It's not about hiding the fact that he's looking, it's about caring enough to take your feelings into consideration, BOOB, to say nothing of the feelings of the other women he's checking out.
And if he can look without being an inconsiderate dick about it, BOOB, you should let him look without being an insecure bitch about it — don't blow up or melt down if you catch him taking a quick, subtle look at another woman's boobs. Because if he's considerate enough to be discreet, BOOB, you can be considerate enough to turn a blind eye.
I've been with my boyfriend since I was 15. I'm 20 now. In all the time we've been together, I've never had an orgasm. For a long time, I wanted to get a vibrator, but my boyfriend hated that idea and never wanted me to get one because he says he already feels like crap that he can't get me off. Recently, I thought, "What the hell — I want to see what happens!" So I bought one on my own. The very first time I used it, I got off in two minutes. Now I feel stupid for not buying one sooner. My question is ...
How do I tell him? Should I tell him? He always wanted to be the first person to give me an orgasm, and as far as he knows, I still haven't had one.
Couldn't Wait Forever
Tell your boyfriend you bought a vibrator, CWF. If the boyfriend has a sad about your purchase — and your ability to climax (congrats!) — tell him that some women require the kind of intense, focused stimulation that only a vibrator can provide in order to get off, and, as it turns out, you're one of those women. And he can still be the first person to give you an orgasm: He can give you one with a vibrator in his hand. And if he acts like an insecure bitch about it, CWF, if he blows up or melts down, well ...
New vibrator, newly orgasmic — maybe it's time for a new boyfriend, too?
Straight guy here. For the first time in my life, I am with someone who understands how much my work is a part of who I am. (I travel for research and come home and agonize over writing it up.) We have a caring and affectionate relationship. She told me at the start that she has never had an orgasm and she didn't believe in masturbation. I knew then that the sex would be vanilla, but I didn't realize that a year later, it would be more vanilla and less frequent. I'm going out of my mind.
In the earliest months, we discussed open relationships. Her view was that she wasn't interested, but if I cheated it would be fine as long as she never found out. At the time, it sounded like a trap; now it sounds like an option. Help.
Sex Too Underwhelming Can't Kontinue
Since an honest open relationship is off the table, STUCK, I'm gonna urge you to DTMFA. (I'm not saying your girlfriend is an MF — heavens no — but DTMFA is the term of art around here.) I'm thinking you'll have an easier time getting a girl who likes sex to understand how important your work is to you than you'll have getting this girl to understand how important sex is to you. You and your current girlfriend simply aren't sexually compatible, STUCK, and sexual compatibility matters when you're picking a sex partner. Duh.
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