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When hook-ups become something more 

The long and short of it

Is it possible for a hook-up to turn into a relationship?

Hoping One Person Enters

A hook-up is a relationship, HOPE. It may be a short-term relationship, but it's a relationship regardless.

And, yes, a short-term hook-up can turn into a long-term relationship, HOPE, but not if you're treating your hook-ups like shit (because they're only hook-ups!) and not if you're willing to let the people you hook up with treat you like shit (because you're only a hook-up). Treat your hook-ups like people you might actually see again — like human beings with human feelings, not just human holes and/or poles — and you might actually see them again.

You might even wind up in a long-term relationship.

Now, sometimes people hook up with strangers precisely because they wanna have sex with someone they don't know and don't expect to see again. And that's not always a bad idea: Having sex with someone who you don't expect to see again can be very liberating. A girl who can't let herself go with a guy she's dating — maybe she fears being slut- or nympho-shamed by a boyfriend — will grind the dick off a hook-up. And it can be easier to ask someone you don't expect to see again to do something kinky. Say a straight boy has always wanted a girl to put him in her panties and peg his ass. He could ask a girlfriend to do that for him, sure, but the stakes are higher. What if she freaks out and dumps him, and blabs to her friends — and his — about why she dumped him?

People who divide the fuckable world into those they care about (and can't open up to sexually) and those they don't care about (and can open up to sexually but won't date) wind up having awesome sex with people they don't know and lousy sex with people they marry. That's not a good strategy for anyone interested in a successful — and sexually fulfilling — long-term relationship.

So here's what you should do, HOPE: Be uninhibited with your hook-ups while treating them like people you might actually see again and insist on being treated that way in return. Don't hook up with people who treat you like shit; don't treat the people you hook up with like shit. Even if you know you're not going to see someone again — maybe they're not someone you would date or circumstances are such that you couldn't date them even if you wanted to (business trip, European vacation, spring break, etc.) — treat your hook-ups with kindness, respect, and gratitude.

Finally, HOPE, some people treat hook-ups like shit — only after they've come, natch — because they want their hook-ups to understand that they're not interested in a relationship. That's not just assholery, assholes, it's completely unnecessary assholery. If someone was kind enough to suck your dick or fuck your brains out — if someone hooked up with your ass — a little kindness and consideration isn't too much to ask. If you're worried that your hook-up might misinterpret "kindness and consideration" for "I want to be with you forever," tell them — gently and directly — that you're not interested in a relationship.

I'm a 22-year-old female and I lost my virginity in September 2011, but I had experienced everything else before that. My question is about when a guy goes down on me: How come I can never fully enjoy it? How come I find it hard to enjoy any aspect of it? Is the problem that I've never experienced oral with someone who knows what he's doing? Or is it my own mental block? What I mean by "mental block" is this: I personally think it's gross and I can't imagine why a guy would want to do that to me. So the entire time he's down there, I'm stressing out about whether he really likes it. I try to focus on relaxing and blocking those thoughts out, but in the end, I always end up pulling his head back up, since I don't see myself ever experiencing an orgasm during it and, frankly, I get bored.

Is it my mental block that's stopping me from enjoying oral? Or am I just having bad luck with guys in that area?

Erotic Anxiety Time

The only way to determine what exactly your problem is — your pussy-paralyzing insecurities? Their pussy-disabling ineptitude? — is to work on conquering your insecurities while at the same time allowing the guy(s) you're seeing to go down on you once in a while. If you get over your insecurities about your genitals, and then oral — even inept oral — is suddenly awesome, well, then the problem was your insecurities. If you don't get over your insecurities but find yourself coming like crazy with a new boy between your legs, well, then they — all the other boys who ever ate your pussy — were the problem.

And it's fine for you to think eating pussy is gross — you're a straight girl, after all, and you're not attracted to women. But guys who dig women dig pussy, EAT, and you don't have to like the idea of eating pussy to enjoy having yours eaten.

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