I wish the art and entertainment industry had a butt, so I could kick it.
I consider myself a writer first and foremost, but throughout my life I've done many things to support my writing habit. Among those I was a dance teacher, which somehow transformed me into an NFL cheerleader as well as a commercial and film production assistant turned coordinator. Then one day someone threw me in front of the camera, and now I have an agent and manager.
I've been sent on all kinds of auditions for various spokesmodel, commercial and talent jobs where I've learned that I am "too ethnic" ... "too old" ... "too young" ... "too curvy" ... "too short" ... "too girl next door" ... I've even been told I was "too sexy." I actually got cut from my first national commercial in which I was cast as a SAG principal because the client said I "oozed sex" (Note: I was wearing a firesuit in said commercial) ... how does one ooze sex? Do I walk around like a female dog in heat? Oh well, I still got paid ... and got to keep the firesuit, which comes in handy for playing Danica Patrick in sketch comedy skits for Rowdy.
But, no matter what, with or without the camera rolling. I've always been me. Short, ethnic, curvy, goofy ... and apparently really horny, or so I've been told. And that is all I will ever be for anyone, even the industry, and when this is my view ...
So what if someone thinks my butt's too big, my ethnic appearance is a mystery, and I'm the tallest midget. That is who I am. And I don't care who likes it.
Because I am not an actress in life. But sadly, a lot of people I've met both in and outside the industry are actors in real life. Those who pretend they're something they're not because they need the approval of others to love themselves. Or those pretending to be sincere with good intentions. And like a hollow vessel they wade in the shallow end of life don't get on board with them.
Actors get paid, so why pretend for free? God doesn't give out Oscars to those who act their way through life. Not being yourself is like slapping your God in the face.
Besides, how can one care what other people's opinions are if they're not forming their own?
I have been thrown into a world where my income depends on what other people think. But I'm not going to try and stretch myself or bleach my hair and skin so I can get more customers. The only time you should make alterations to yourself is because you want to change, not because some random person disapproves of you. Why give a shit what someone who doesn't give a shit about you thinks? The inner dialogue is cruel enough don't let the white noise of other people's judgment and insecurities affect your own.
And you shouldn't change because people do like you either. Having a big head will only make you a headache to others.
I am not going to sit here and pretend I'm not just a dork in a cheerleading skirt, and a goofball with a microphone. Or that I'm anything more than the girl next door to the girl next door sitting in front of a computer.