I just started playing for a softball team, The Stock Car Steelers.

Our first game was last week, in which I played catcher (Translation: squatted there and flirted with the batters to distract them).

I got up to bat and swung at the very first thing that was thrown at me. I hit it and got a run … and ran into first base so fast I slid into a split. Not on purpose.

It may have been a hit that got me to first base (barely), but it wasn’t a good one.

I ended up getting a run, which made having a pain in my groin worth it. But then my next turn up to bat, I did the same thing … swung at the first ball that came at me. It was way too high, but turned into a strike by settling for it.

I swung again and got a hit that looked like a deliberate bunt, but no, it was just another bad hit. I moved my short little legs as fast as I could and barely made it to first at the mercy of the other team’s sub-par field game.

When I made it back around to home plate and into the dug out, my best friend Jordan asked me why I swing at everything that comes my way. And I of course turned it into a joke and metaphor for dating.

… you have to try them on before you buy. And just like in a fitting room at the new Nordstrom Rack, you typically need to try on several to find the one that fits just right.

How many dresses have you thought looked great on the rack, but then when you tried them on, they just didn’t fit right. There’s no better feeling than finding that perfect dress for you … and the perfect man to accessorize it with.

I myself have tried hippie dresses, but I prefer a clean living environment. I’ve tried on the bad boy-leather dress, but I like having a clean criminal record, too. I tried on the foreign-made dress, but realized I like to talk too much to have a communication barrier such as language. I have tried on the glamorous cocktail dress, but realized I am more comfortable in cut-off jeans. I have been to just about every store from Ross and TJ Maxx, to Lotus to Julie’s boutique, to BeBe on Rodeo Drive.

I learned that shopping on Rodeo Drive can spoil you, but there’s nothing better than digging through the racks of an outlet store to find that buried treasure. Those cheap dresses tend to fit me more comfortably than the sparkly cocktail dress so tight I have to wear Spanxx.

I asked all my girlfriends, and the majority of them said that their favorite thing in their closet is some random shirt or dress they found for cheap at some random store.

Because that’s what the good ones always are … a find.

We also tend to do this with identities. We change careers, we change paths in life, we try on different decisions to see what makes us happy. And eventually, we will find one that fits.

Just be careful when you’re trying on dresses at Macy’s, specifically — they’ve installed their dressing room door slants upside down so that sales clerks may see in and make sure you’re not a klepto. True story.

I figured out my problem with dating.

I’m too slutty.

Emotionally slutty, that is. While I don’t put out, I put myself out there too much.

It used to be that when I started dating someone, I would send a six-month representative — the person I thought they wanted to get to know. A less-flawed, down-for-anything, eats-small-meals-on-dates version of myself. And the guy would typically send a better version of himself as well. But as time goes on, the true character is always revealed. Be it a lack of ambition, control issues or a negative way of handling stress, they show you their ugly side. Meanwhile, I just looked like an ass trying to make myself seem more attractive, yet I’d have been more attractive to the guy had I just been my uncool self.

Being jaded by meeting too many “six-month representatives,” and worse, for being one myself in certain circumstances, I figured I would correct my mistake of trying too hard — I started being very forthcoming about who I am. Introducing myself with my flaws and my childhood traumas included in my bio, I have turned into an emotional whore.

I figured it would be more fair to him to just show the whole package up front rather than be a used car salesman and break down on him later. But all that does is send the guy running as fast as an NFL wide receiver in training camp trying to keep his job.

Time to find a happy median.

The comedy theater tragedy mask has two faces — a smile and a frown — for a reason. That’s because all comedy comes from tragedy. I typically only show people the smiley, bubbly Britt, never taking off the mask to reveal the real me for which my comedy is derived. Is it too much to ask for someone whom I can be off for every once in a while? Someone who, in the rare instance I’m frowning, wants to turn it back into a smile.

Instead of sending a six-month representative to a new relationship, telling the person what we think they want to hear, we should show our real selves and see if they like it. But maybe try to avoid telling the story about getting raped on the first date — usually not the best dinner conversation.

CMT (Country Music Television) is seeking eligible bachelorettes for the Bachelor knock-off Sweet Home Alabama.

They've now found a bachelor in Alabama and are looking to cast ladies between the ages of 21-32 to compete for his love — and who can manage to get off work to for a four-week shoot at the end of August.

If you wish to fill out a national classified ad, then send the following to job-jqvdh-2516352819@craigslist.org (yes, they are really casting on Craigslist).

1. Name, Age, Career/Education
2. What is your goal / aspiration related to your studies or occupation?
3. Where did you grow up? City/Town and State. Make sure to include your parents names and occupations.
4. What traditions and values are important to you?
5. What qualities and/or characteristics make you a perfect catch? (Personality, Physical Attributes, Accomplishments)
6. What qualities/characteristics/values are important to find in the guy that you will one day marry?
7. Is marriage and starting a family a big dream or priority for you?
8. Be sure to include your Phone Number, Email, Facebook Page and any other web addresses you might have.

What are you waiting for ladies? Log off this blog and go apply to be the next Emily Maynard, whom I often see at the grocery store in Charlotte — on the cover of magazines.