The news reported that Cornelius Police responded to two incidents involving rabid foxes recently. Living in Cornelius myself, I couldn't help but wonder — did they mean cougars? Because there sure are a lot of them running around up here. Or, did they mean me?! A younger, not as all mighty version of a cougar.
Considering the last few guys I've dated have been four to even nine years younger than me, perhaps I am a young cougar. But at least I don't appear to be rapid and desperate ... not yet at least.
Just to make sure the news was referring to real, actual rapid foxes running wild (and not me), I called Cornelius Animal Shelter and asked a little more about said incidents. As it turns out, there were two separate incidents over the last month. One fox had bitten a pet, and the pet in turn bit the owner, which is how they found out the fox was rabid. This incident took place around the Caldwell Depot. The other took place near Highway 21 when a rapid baby fox scratched someone. A rapid baby fox scratching someone ... now that sounds like an incident of a college girl getting drunk and starting a fight with her boyfriend.
I was told no incidents have occurred since then, and if you have pets in the area, to be sure they are all updated on vaccinations.
Hide yo' kids, hide yo' wives! But we can remix Antoine Dodson's famous newscast — it's more like, hide your pets, hide your husbands, 'cause these foxes and cougars are scratching everyone up in here.