By Matt Brunson
THE SWITCH
*
DIRECTED BY Josh Gordon & Will Speck
STARS Jennifer Aniston, Jason Bateman
A vile scenario doesn't necessarily have to translate into a vile movie, providing there's some objective or empathy on the part of the filmmakers. Gaspar Noe's 2002 French release Irreversible, for example, centers around arguably the most brutal rape sequence ever committed to celluloid, but several factors, specifically Noe's decision to tell the story in reverse (thus delineating the heartbreaking — and commonplace — circumstances that could have prevented the tragedy), provide the picture with a purpose and keep it out of the exploitation zone.
Then there's the case of The Switch. Deciding that Jeffrey Eugenides' short story would be perfect for expanding into a wacky comedy, the film's creators — the Blades of Glory directing team of Josh Gordon and Will Speck, writer Allan Loeb and Aniston herself (she serves as an executive producer) — ran with the premise of Aniston as a single woman who badly wants a baby. Aniston's Kassie Larson opts to go the route of a sperm donor, despite the objections of her best friend Wally Mars (Jason Bateman). Wally, a whiny neurotic who's secretly smitten with Kassie, thinks it's an awful idea — not so awful, though, that he doesn't volunteer his own sperm (Kassie politely declines). Kassie's sperm donor turns out to be a hunky athlete named Roland (Patrick Wilson), but through circumstances too mind-numbingly stupid to detail here, a drunken Wally accidentally spills the filled baby-batter cup and elects to replace the lost content with his own seed (produced while masturbating to a picture of Diane Sawyer). The pregnant Kassie soon leaves town; cut to seven years later, when she returns with young Sebastian (Thomas Robinson) in tow. Wally immediately notices that Sebastian shares many of his characteristics and habits, and he slowly recalls the hazy details of seven years ago; Kassie, on the other hand, remains dumb as a brick and will need Wally to spell it out for her. But of course, he's too scared to tell her the truth, so much hilarity ensues. Or not.
Did none of the filmmakers — or the (mostly women) audience members at my screening — realize that Wally's action of implanting his unwanted sperm into Kassie qualifies as a form of rape? If the movie ever seriously addressed this issue beyond some ever-so-modest poo-pooing by Wally's boss and confidant (a deadpan Jeff Goldblum, the film's lone bright spot), then it would warrant some modicum of respect, but everything is played at an inane sitcom level, and we're supposed to cheer Wally on as he incessantly tries to bag his woman (shouldn't he be going to jail instead?). Strip away the ramifications of the plot and The Switch is merely one more failed Aniston rom-com bomb. But add it back in and we're talking about a fairly revolting piece of work.