Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Let down your hair (and bra) during amateur night at a strip club?

Posted By on Tue, May 1, 2012 at 4:59 PM

I realize that having a bucket list of things to do before you die is no novelty. Most people do, in one form or another. Mine is scribbled out in an old leather ledger that my ex-boyfriend gifted to me on a birthday back in college. He was great at gifts and that ledger, still cherished, has made it through several moves and subsequent boyfriends. I often talk openly about my scribed list of things to accomplish pre mortem. It serves as good dinner or "getting to know you" conversation.

What I don't candidly discuss is my top secret internal list of things I'd like to try before death that I would NEVER, even if threatened with water torture or fiery torches, want anyone to have knowledge of. That register is hidden in the most shadowy part of my brain space, for me and me alone. Well ... until now, where I will very publicly confess and detail one line item in particular:

I strongly desire to perform in an amateur night at a strip club.


The yearning started when I was in middle school. I was watching MTV, without my parents' knowledge or permission, at a friend's house when the seed was firmly planted. The plot to Aerosmith's "Crazy" music video unfolded before my young eyes, and I wanted nothing more than to live with the frivolity of Liv Tyler or Alicia Silverstone in that moment. I wanted to go topless while riding in a retro convertible. I needed to feel the wind in my hair and the deliverance of doing something so very opposite of the girl that I was at the time. As the scene ended where they tag-team a burlesque dance for money, I committed to myself that I would, at some point when I wouldn't get grounded for it, shed my goody-two-shoes image. I would one day choreograph a sex-kitten routine during which I would take my clothes off for an audience of completely enchanted strange men.

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