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Tuesday, December 31, 2013
The Sexologist (Wo)manifestations for 2014
Posted By Becky Knight on Tue, Dec 31, 2013 at 10:31 AM
The paperwork will be stamped by a judge this week, meaning the new year brings with it my new reality: I am a divorcee. I am not going to say that ending a long relationship is easy or without its emotional ups and downs, but I can say that I feel strangely fine. I'm happy and I feel hopeful about the future. Prone to either ruminate on the past or worry about the future, I am working on being present in the moment. This moment is all that I have. Instead of self-critique, I will self-create. My mantra: Who am I? Who do I want to be?
Every year I choose a word to be my theme. In 2012, it was "courage" - to make changes, to be on my own, to start my private practice. In 2013, it was "strength" - to persist when life got hard, to push myself physically, to resist what was not in my best interest. In 2014, my word is "become". I will have a milestone birthday this year, and with that comes a sense of "the time is now." I can't wait for the perfect relationship, or until I have more money, or until I lose weight ... I'm not waiting. I will be my own beloved.
Here are my resolutions for the coming year. What are yours?
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Charlotte Harlot Confessions of a Southern slut, part 2
Posted By The Charlotte Harlot on Thu, Dec 26, 2013 at 9:30 AM
Editor's note: This is the second part in an ongoing series written by CL's newest sex and love blogger, the Charlotte Harlot.
My high school boyfriend was a basketball wonder kid, so I have always had a fondness for athletes, basketball players in particular. I love to see a guy all sweaty after playing a hard-fought game. I lust after toned arms and chiseled chests.
The new guy at work is a former college basketball star. He is 6'4" and gorgeous from head to toe. Damn. Sometimes I follow him down the hall just to stare at his perfect ass. We flirt, but he's young and new and I really don't need the complication of messing with a guy at work. Who knows, he could have a bat-shit crazy girlfriend, or herpes, or he could be a complete asswipe. Still, I can't help imagining how great he looks naked. I really, really want to see him naked.
Friday, December 20, 2013
The Sexologist Fat and Happy
Posted By Becky Knight on Fri, Dec 20, 2013 at 11:09 AM
Body acceptance is harder than it should be. We have hundreds of specialized parts working in intricate fashion to do amazing things like dance, perform music, toss a football, swim, do yoga, build blanket forts with our kids, give hugs and make love. Even simple activities like walking, eating and speaking are minor miracles in my book. For the most part, my body works the way I want it to. My body has been good to me, and when my body has suffered, it's usually because of poor choices on my account.
Even people who accept their body often lack the ability to praise and celebrate it. How can we when we are constantly sold an impossible ideal? If we loved our bodies as is, think of how many companies would go out of business. And I'm not just speaking about women or those who are overweight. Everyone struggles to love their body. I know some stunningly attractive people who obsess about their perceived imperfections. Sometimes I think that the closer someone is to being perfect, the more they focus on the things they don't like. I am so far from perfect that it would take all of my time and energy to get anywhere near the American ideal for a woman - and I mean every waking moment and every ounce of energy. It would consume my life. I try to eat right and exercise, but there are only so many hours in the day. My motto is "I'd rather be fat and happy than skinny and miserable."
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Charlotte Harlot Confessions of a Southern slut, part 1
Posted By The Charlotte Harlot on Thu, Dec 19, 2013 at 4:33 PM
Editor's note: This is the first part in an ongoing series by CL's newest sex and love blogger, the Charlotte Harlot.
I admit it. I use sex to self-soothe. I broke up with my live-in boyfriend a while back and have been keeping myself busy by taking on a few lovers. I'm not looking to replace him. Hell, at this point I would swear off men completely if not for the fact that I love to fuck. Dildos and porn don't do it for me. I need a living, breathing man. I need someone to say my name, pull my hair and spank my ass. Thankfully, men are easy to come by.
Before this break-up I was a serial monogamist. Since high school, I have been in one relationship after another. It's nice to have someone to lay around with on Sunday afternoons, complain to about your lame job, and make you soup when you get a cold. But I am tired of traversing the relationship roadmap. They have all led to the same destination: heartache. I like men, but, apparently, I suck at relationships. So I'm taking a break and "doing me," as they say. I'm trying to get in shape, get my finances in order, and get used to being alone.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Interviews Prude: lessons on love, sex and writing from memoirist Emily Southwood
Posted By Shawn Alff on Thu, Dec 12, 2013 at 11:06 AM
In some ways, Emily Southwood was living a modern-day fairytale. She had just finished her MFA degree and was packing her things to move in with her fiancé, Robbie, in L.A. Then she received a call that changed everything. Robbie landed a job filming a reality show about porn stars.
At first, Southwood, who considered herself a sexually liberated and progressive minded woman, thought she could handle her fiancé's job assignment. However, she quickly realized how messy love could be when she spent her days at home, searching for jobs and planning a wedding while Robbie dodged body fluids on porn sets and scouted locations at all-inclusive sex resorts.
Although the experience jeopardized her relationship, it also gave her an idea. Just as Robbie had used porn to build his professional credits, Southwood would use the experience to launch her literary career. The resulting memoir, Prude, tells the story of a young couple forced to reexamine their notions of sex and love through the lens of the adult industry.
Humans tend to fetishize what a society considers taboo or forbidden. Some theories suggest that the more egalitarian a society is, the more men in such a culture fetishize the degradation of women. That is, the less power men exercise over women in society, the more they seek to control and dominate women during sex. What do you think the prevalence of "degrading" porn says about the society that consumes it?
That theory is in line with some of what has been said about Fifty Shades of Grey - women crave submission in the bedroom as a release from juggling jobs and households. They want to relinquish control and focus on a nice spanking from a rich, handsome, sadomasochist CEO for a wee bit. Perhaps.
I identify with the theory that our brains become immune to what we are seeing and increasingly crave greater stimuli. Porn today certainly seems like a reflection of being desensitized to graphic visuals. First it takes you half a beer to get a buzz, then eventually you need five. A lot of mainstream porn today is definitely a five-beer buzz. Maybe even a three-day bender.
Monday, December 9, 2013
The Sexologist My virgin visit to the abortion clinic
Posted By Becky Knight on Mon, Dec 9, 2013 at 12:32 PM
- "At least half of American women will experience an unintended pregnancy by age 45, and, at current rates, one in 10 women will have an abortion by age 20, one in four by age 30 and three in 10 by age 45."
Source: Guttmacher Institute
Until this year, although I knew the statistics, I didn't know anyone who had an abortion. Even though I have training in human sexuality, am known to have liberal social views, and support women's rights, no one has confided in me. Yet, I likely know many, many women who have had an abortion. For something so common, it is something we don't talk about.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Test Ride Sexercise with yoga ball dildos
Posted By Shawn Alff on Thu, Dec 5, 2013 at 12:00 PM
There's no product I'd rather watch an hour-long infomercial for than Pink Diamond's "Double Ball/Dildo."
- twitter.com/FillyFilmsXXX
I can only imagine how this sex toy/exercise machine was conceived. Was the inventor inspired by a co-worker bouncing on the exercise ball she used as an office chair? Did he find his muse in a naked adult using a child's bounce ball? Or, did he simply see a woman in yoga pants grinding an exercise ball in his pilates class?
The Double Ball/Dildo is built to support up to 330 pounds of bouncing sexiness. Handles are provided so the user doesn't have to grip the ball with just her thighs like an overconfident sorority girl in a mechanical bull-riding contest. Of all the versatile things one can do with this sex machine - namely pounding vaginal and anal penetration - perhaps the most unique idea is described by Pink Diamond as follows:
"Couples can introduce the double bouncing dildo into sexplay as an interesting third party. She/he can experience double penetration without the presence of a second male/Female partner."
Pink Diamond has yet to release any "instructional" pictures or videos, nor are there any detailed exercise routines to help users get the most bang from their sexercise routines. However, there is some chatter on Twitter that Filly Films may feature these balls in an upcoming scene. Hopefully the video will help illuminate the debate as to whether these balls are actually pleasurable or if they fall flat.
To read more of Shawn Alff's writing, visit CL's sister paper in Tampa. You can also reach him on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, or email him here.
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Sexercise with yoga ball dildos 1
The sexercise machine you would watch an hour-long infomercial on.
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Some things can only happen in South Carolina 1
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Penis- and vagina-shaped bottles filled with perfume
The bottles are on the erotic side but the description of the scents leave much to be desired.
