Happy New Year! I hope 2015 turns out to be the one where people finally learn the art of dating. But of course, this post has nothing to do with that.
Jake and Pam met in college and started a relationship. After they graduated, they decided to continue dating, although Jake ended up living in Charlotte and Pam in Virginia. Jake says Pam had a "no sex before marriage" policy — *high five for you, Pam!* — and that he really liked her, so he was OK with waiting.
In the meantime, Jake began a friendship with his co-worker Erin. During downtime at the office, he and Erin would frequently give each other dating advice and joke around that if they were both single, they could just date each other. Insert Michael Jackson’s song "Dangerous" here. But Jake claims that while he was attracted to her, he felt Erin was out of his league, so he was cool with being in the dreaded friend zone.
One weekend, Erin invited Jake to come along with her and her parents on a day trip to the mountains. You already know this isn't going to end well. Who goes on a trip with another woman's family?
Near the end of the getaway, Erin kissed Jake when her parents weren’t around, and informed Jake, as she went in for the titty squeeze hug, that she had a crush on him.
Allow me to interrupt this story to offer an explainer about the different types of hugs.
Tis the season to go on some dates to holiday parties, drinking and being merry. For some it’s the time of year to take that big step toward the M-word (oh come on, you know what I mean — marriage). This week’s story is full of many lessons.
Kenya and Deon had been dating for about three years, and for the first time, he asked if he could go with her to her family’s home for the holidays. Kenya immediately said yes. After all, her family loved him, and she loved him, so there was no question that he’d be welcomed. A couple of days before they left for the mountains, they visit Deon’s aunt and partake in some eggnog. As they are drinking and cackling and being joyous, Deon remembers he left his cellphone in the car and runs outside to retrieve it. Deon’s aunt sees this as the prime opportunity to spill some tea. She leans over and whispers to Kenya: “He got you a ring. He is going to propose. The whole family gave him some money to get it.”
Nothing like a spoiler alert, huh? Thanks auntie.
One of these days, y’all will listen when I tell you to pay attention to the red flags. This week’s story is a prime example of these bright red flags and red lights flashing in your face telling you to STOP. RETREAT. DON’T LOOK BACK. KEEP IT MOVING!
Erin met Dave at a concert in Uptown on a Saturday night. Dave was a part of the security team that was working the event, while Erin was a concert-goer hanging with her friends on a girls night. Erin says she was looking for the restroom when Dave offered his help. He walked her to the restroom, and even stood outside waiting until she finished doing her business. She thought this was cute, so after chatting for a few minutes longer, they exchanged info. Erin says while Dave wasn’t the type of dude she usually went for, she figured he seemed nice enough and had manners. Again, y'all are going to learn to stop that "but he's nice" ish.
Sunday rolls around, and Dave calls Erin several times throughout the day, not really trying to get to know her or talk about anything, but "to say hello." Dave, bruh, and how many times do you need to say that? So Erin says she tried to get him to talk a little bit by asking him what else he does besides security. She says he mumbled something about advertising that didn’t sound like advertising, but she let it go.
On Monday, Dave texts and calls Erin multiple times throughout the day, even though she says she told him she would be in meetings and on conference calls all day. During one conversation, he asks her to dinner on Saturday, and then he slides this in: “So, are you looking to start a family or get married soon?”
This week's story makes me hope that some of you took advantage of the Black Friday sales and bought a butt load of toilet paper and soap.
Tisha and Sam had been dating for about four months. Sam and some of his fraternity brothers went out of town for the weekend for a guy’s trip. Tisha says she couldn't wait for Sam to get back. Clearly, they were probably still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship — put a few more years in and she will cherish her alone time. I digress.
As soon as he let her know he was back in town, she dropped everything and sped over to his house to see her "chocolate teddy bear." I'm so envisioning a Ruben Studdard type here, and hey, ain't nothing wrong with that.
Once Tisha rang the doorbell and Sam opened the door, they embraced and started making out like teenagers trying to hurry before someone's mom comes home. Don't act like y'all ain't done that before, hell you probably still do. Some of you still live at home, don't you? Anyway, Sam then pulled away and told Tisha he needed to stop and take a shower before things got heated.
Tisha said she didn't want to wait; she needed her teddy bear right then and there, but Sam kept telling her no.
Anybody else's red flag alert antenna just start beeping?
It’s funny how reality television can remind you of some reality in your own life. On this week’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta (spoiler alert) Apollo pulled a high school move and admitted to lying on his peen. This week’s dating story is fitting because, well, you’ll see.
Amy and Calvin had known about each other for years, having gone to the same high school. Amy told one of her friends that she thought Calvin was attractive, so the friend hooked it up and they soon began texting back and forth. The texts were never of a sexual nature, which shocks the hell out of me these days, because y’all know how y’all do!
Anyway, one Saturday night, Amy and her friend Jill went out to a party uptown and lo and behold Calvin was there. Amy and Calvin spend the evening doing some harmless flirting. When Jill tells Amy she isn’t feeling too hot and wants to leave, Calvin offers to take Amy home. Cool? I’ll say cool on this one because they didn’t just meet. Besides, he’s just dropping her off, right?
First dates are a time to make an impression. Show off that great personality and sense of humor. Heck, you can even show off your sense of creativity with what you have planned for the date. But just like most of the dates that you guys send in, none of these things seem to matter to anyone anymore.
Let’s just jump into this week’s date-o-drama.
Tyrone met Keisha online. After a few conversations and discovering they both love the Carolina Panthers, Tyrone asks Keisha to go to a game for their first date. Tyrone tells Keisha the tickets were free, so they'd be sitting in the nosebleed section. Hey, a Panthers game is a Panthers game.
So, the two meet up outside the stadium, pleased that they both seem to look like their pictures on their online profiles. Since this took place before the stadium upgrades, they had to hump it up the stairs. When they get to their seats, Tyrone introduces her to his female cousin, her man, and Tyrone’s three kids.
*insert record scratch*
Keisha says she recalled Tyrone’s profile saying he didn’t have any kids, so she was a bit confused as to how this ended up being a family affair. She says she decided to just roll with it, because maybe they bought the tickets all together and maybe, just maybe, he was going to mention the three kids between the ages of 5 and 10.
Maybe. Girl. Bye.
Last week, we discussed sexting and unsolicited naked pictures. This week's dating story has absolutely nothing to do with that. I just wanted to remind you about that post.
Matt meets Helen during a St. Patty's Day bar crawl. While I have never attended a bar crawl, I assume dang near everybody is drunk. Obviously these two were. You know how y'all do when you knock back a few beers and get a lil tipsy — you stick your tongue down folk’s throats and make out like you are in high school.
Helen invites Matt back to her house to get to know each other better. *record scratch* Again, what have I told y'all about taking mofos you don't know to the house? One day, y'all will listen to me.
I think it’s time we turn to the Book of Thou Shall Not Share Thy Private Parts, Chapter Unsolicited Peen and Cookie Box.
These days, the popular trend is to meet someone, text back and forth a few times, and if you're lucky you may even chat on the phone a couple of times before the unthinkable happens: you get a text message with a picture attached. You open it, thinking it's going to be a cute “Thinking About You” message, only to find a picture of your potential bae's peen or vagina.
Now, this can be a good or bad thing. But more often than not, it definitely doesn’t turn out the way you think it will. Ladies hold onto the peen pics to sniggle with their friends about over drinks, while some men use the pics for payback on social media. (Don’t even bother to tell me this can’t happen. I just saw it happen, with a complete detailed account of what it smelled like ... I can’t un-see the things I read and see on Twitter.)
Now, if you are old-school like me, then you probably didn’t even ask for the picture. Hell, you probably barely know each other's last names. What do you do?
Do you continue chatting with them? Do you cut them off? When is it appropriate to even send these kind of pics? Is it ever appropriate to attempt to turn your potential or love interest on with the pics? Have we not learned a thing from the recent celebrity hackings? (Though, I am anxiously waiting to see if any of Idris Elba’s pics leak out. You know, for research purposes.)
Earlier this week, I was a guest on the Right to R.E.A.L. Love podcast, and the topic was "The Naked Truth About Sexting and Naked Pics." Host Jay Mayo along with myself and several other guests tackled this debatable topic. The discussion centers around whether or not women and men have similar thoughts on sexting. Check it out here. (Be warned: It is an hour long episode.)
So, what are your thoughts on sexting? Have you had a good or bad dating experience because of it? Go ahead, shoot an email to email@example.com. We'll keep your identity a secret — just let us know what dating in the Queen City is really like!
Dating in the Queen City can be tricky waters to navigate. So, what better way than to get right in the middle of what’s happening in these dating streets than to attend an open forum on that very topic? Recently I attended Xklusive Convos Charlotte’s Dating Conversation event, held at Silk Lounge. It was a two-hour conversation titled "Dating Naked.”
OK, I admit, I was hoping for some nekkid men walking around, but that didn’t happen. Clearly the topic was meant to strip down the walls we all have built up and get to the heart of the matter and figure out what is going on in the dating world. The event was hosted by certified life and relationship coach Troy Spry and matchmaker Julie Wadley.
Allow me to paint you a picture of the setup. Everyone had to wear a name-tag, and one of the rules was to meet someone new. Now, ask me how many people actually mingled. As with many events in the Queen City, most of the attendees were women, but lo and behold, there were couples in the building. I just about fainted. People on dates! YES! I love it! There were also a handful of single men who probably just didn’t know what to do with themselves with all of the beautiful women in the room.
Now, I’m just going to hit some of the highlights from the evening. The first topic question was an important one. “Why do people fall back instead of putting on their grown folks panties and boxers and making their way across the room to approach someone who has caught their eye?” OK, the question wasn’t worded JUST like that, but you get the point. Obviously, the No. 1 answer from both men and women was fear of rejection. One guy said, "Sometimes you just don’t feel up to par, so you just don’t approach. Maybe you don’t have some things in order in your life and you know this so you just fall back."
Damn, is everyone in Charlotte Un-par-able? I know that’s not a word but you get what I’m saying. Women and men both agreed that it is all in how you approach someone, because you can’t just roll up to someone asking if you can sniff their drawls. Besides, what kind of first impression is that?
Julie brought up a great point by saying that if you know you aren’t up to par, and then you need to work on yourself before you get outchea in these dating streets trying to find bae/boo. Basically, don’t put your burdens, whether it’s financial issues, baby mama/daddy drama, or just reeling from heartache, onto someone else hoping they can fix you. I don’t know about y’all, but I do not have the time nor patience to be trying to fix a grown-ass man.
Unless you are the Virgin Mary or practicing celibacy, abstinence or whatever other bakery closers you want to call it, it's only a matter of time before you get intimate with the person you're dating. Amirite?
Damon and Cindy had been dating for quite some time, and they were in a long-distance relationship. Damon lived in Boone, and Cindy in Charlotte. Oh, and here's a detail you'll need to remember for later: Damon recently had surgery on his wrist, so his arm is all bandaged up in a sling.
On this particular weekend, Damon comes to Charlotte to visit Cindy. This was the first time he was actually going to stay at her house. In the past, he usually stayed at his frat brother's house or in a hotel.
Imagine that: a man not giving an ultimatum about getting the draws the first night and agreeing to WAIT. Allow me to pick my face up off the floor.
Anyhoo, I won't bore you with the details of what went down in the bedroom. We're all adults. The real shit pops off the next morning.