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A lusty family affair 

No wife swaps here

My brother and I married two incredible women. Our wives were good friends before we started dating them. My brother has always been my best friend, so the four of us spend a lot of time together. Recently, a couple of drinks turned into a bunch, and then my wife and sister-in-law started making out. Then they fucked. It was the hottest thing I've ever seen. We ended up pairing off with our respective partners and having sex in the same room. The next morning, the same thing happened again — wives fucked each other, we watched, then we fucked our wives in front of each other — and now my wife tells me that she and her friend would like to date each other. The group sessions would continue. (But no wife-swapping: MW sex between husband and wife only!) Everyone seems on board. I knew my wife was bi before we married, and we've talked before about her having a girlfriend, so I'm fine with that part. It's hot and it feels safe since we all trust each other. I guess my question is: Is this a terrible idea? Is it creepy and/or incestuous to watch your brother fuck his wife? Does this sound like a setup for the messiest breakup ever, or does something like this ever work out long-term?

Brothers Respectfully Aroused Humping Spouses

The exact same things that make this arrangement feel so safe and so logical — your wives were friends before you and your brother married them, the four of you were tight before your wives started fucking each other — will turn this into a screaming nightmare should things go south. If things get messy — if there's one or more conflicts that require taking sides — you and your brother are going to find yourself in positions that make Reverse Cowgirl Bleached Anal Handstand look easy.

Because you're all so close.

But the train has already left the station, BRAHS: Your wives are doing each other, and they'd like to date each other, and you and your brother want to keep watching your wives fuck and then fucking your respective wives in front of each other. I would advise you all to get together for nonalcoholic beverages and for everyone to promise that you will be mature, reasonable and forgiving adults if/when this — the wives dating, the semi-incestuous (but maritally binary) quad-ways — comes to an end. Agreeing to an amicable breakup in advance of a breakup is no guarantee that things will end amicably, of course, but it improves the odds.

As for the incest and long-term angles: Watching your brother fuck someone strikes me as creepy, BRAHS, but it doesn't meet the legal definition of incest. So Yahtzee for you. And while I haven't heard of an arrangement like this working out over the long-term, BRAHS, I've also never heard of an arrangement like this. Some things you expect to work out don't, and some things you don't expect to work out do. Good luck, gang.

I consider myself one of the lucky ones: happily married for decades, with a long-term girlfriend. GF is at this point part of the family, and while it hasn't always been an easy arrangement to sort out, it has worked for over a decade. Recently, I've been talking with other nonmonogamous folk and find myself wondering whether I have any responsibility to publicly admit details about my multi-partner lifestyle. Though it's probably obvious to those we interact with regularly (GF is routinely part of holiday family functions and picks up kids after school, etc.), we have never been directly ASKED, nor have we told. On the one hand, I want others to know that workable long-term nonmonogamy isn't just a pipe dream, but on the other, the details of my personal life are nobody's business. I'm certainly no role model, but am I crazy to feel guilt for not being openly poly?

Nonmonogamous, Utterly Normal, Yet Apprehensive

Not everyone who's poly can be out, NUNYA, just as not everyone who's gay, bi, trans, kinky or poz can be out. But the only way to dispel myths about poly people and poly relationships — poly people are all burners, poly relationships don't work out for the long term, all nonmonogamous relationships ultimately fail — is for poly people to come out when and where they can. So if you're in a position to be out, NUNYA, you should come out.

And while your poly relationship isn't anyone's business, it's not something you should have to hide, either.

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