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'As seen on TV': the Loud 'N Clear 

I was sleepless in Charlotte the other night, watching the infomercial for the Loud 'N Clear, advertised as essentially a hearing aid for eavesdropping. In the faux-mercial, a guy was at a party listening to girls talk about how cute he was, and another woman listened as other women talked nicely behind her back. Hmmm ... That last part just didn't seem right.

So I got one for myself to test out at bars. Field study locations: Rusty Rudder and Strike City.

Turns out, wearing the Loud 'N Clear at the bars wasn't such a great idea; my eardrums felt like they were getting banged on with a wooden spoon. The most dominant sound was the bass of the live band at the Rudder. Meanwhile, the device made Fergie sound like white noise at Strike City.

But even louder than that was the typical girl greeting where women scream in excitement to see each other: "Ahhhhhh. Hiiiiiii. (Hug)" Usually this interaction is so high-pitched only dolphins and bats can hear it ... well, the Loud 'N Clear can too -- loud and clear. There were only five girls in my peripheral audio, but it sounded like a sorority house.

The most fascinating thing I heard was a girl telling someone her full name -- last name Cason. Of course, I couldn't help but find a non-crazy-looking reason to introduce myself, and as it turns out, she's from the same town as my dad's side of the family and we're probably related. Random.

Honestly, with all the background noise it was hard to decipher and dissect conversations, but I did decode guys talking about the girls there who were hot, and girls talking about girls who were not -- in this case, they were one in the same. That's when it occurred to me... is that why girls hate on one another? If a guy targets a girl as hot, do the insecure girls automatically denote her as public enemy No. 1 ... or "frenemie" No. 5? In my opinion, if you don't have anything nice to say, then you must suck at conversation. There are a lot of better things to talk about other than other people...

Evidenced by the Loud 'N Clear, you can't believe everything you see on TV ... but if you're looking for something to watch on Aug. 26, you should check out the show Holidate on SOAPnet. Just do it.

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