December 29, 2001 News & Views » The Blotter

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Best Of The Blotter 2001 

The tip of the iceberg of the city's creeps, crimes, misdemeanors, obsessions, bad judgment and criminal stupidity

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* A man called the police when he noticed that someone had painted the entire backside of his condo, including the windows and sliding glass door, fluorescent yellow. The man's car had recently been egged and spray painted as well. The neighbors don't recall seeing anything suspicious.

* Burglars intent on robbing a local business found their plot foiled when they were unable to break into the safe. Not wanting to leave empty-handed, they did manage to remove a bubble gum machine from the building. The machine was found outside, but $10 worth of gum had been stolen.

* A man who was angry with a neighbor for letting her dog run loose in the neighborhood confronted her and an argument erupted. Things became heated and they began to call each other "improper names." The man then placed his hands on his hips and began bumping the woman with his chest, pushing her backwards several feet and out of the street. He turned and returned to his house, but paused just before entering to moon the offended dog owner.

* A man called a wrecker company and said that his father's trailer had broken down and needed to be towed. Upon arrival, the wrecker company discovered that the trailer didn't belong to either the man or his father, and that he was attempting to use the wrecker company to steal it for him.

* Returning to the office one afternoon, a few lawyers discovered that their office building had been vandalized. Eggs had been splattered against the outside walls and a note hanging on the front door read, "all lawyer's (sic) must die." No suspects could be identified.

* A carjacker picked the wrong vehicle to approach late one night. The would-be robber approached the passenger side window and demanded that the driver open the door. The robber was holding his hand behind his back and appeared to be concealing a weapon. When the driver didn't open the door, the man raised his hand to punch out the window. The driver, who happened to be an on-duty police officer, raised his shirt to reveal his badge and gun and reached for a handheld radio. The unlucky culprit muttered an expletive and backed away from the car.

* When a woman found an intruder breaking into her apartment through an upstairs window, she tried telling him to leave. When he refused to go away, she went downstairs, retrieved a baseball bat, and repeatedly whacked the unwelcome guest in the leg with it until police arrived.

* Consistency counts: A man entered a convenience store in the middle of the day and stole four 18-packs of beer. This came as no surprise to employees because the man had stolen the exact same thing seven different times from the store. This time, an employee tried to restrain the man, but only managed to grab his hat as the man and the beer disappeared out the front door yet again.

* A woman arrived at work one day and found that all her calendars and a poster had been ripped off the wall of her office. She also discovered that her scissors and stapler had been broken and her computer modem disrupted. Police have a lead in the case, as two cleaning women had been involved in an altercation the previous night in the same office.

* A man got into a tussle with two other men, and was getting the worst of it as he was put in a headlock and flung onto a vacuum cleaner. This apparently gave the assailants an idea; as the victim fled in an attempt to reach his car, the other two men pursued him, one holding a baseball bat, the other an extension for the vacuum cleaner. Before the hapless man could reach his car, he was struck on the neck, back and shoulders with the vacuum extension.

* A watchful do-gooder saved his neighbor from a major headache when he called police after he observed four males crawling through the rear bathroom window of a nearby house. As he talked to police on the phone, the man watched the four criminals ransack the house while removing video equipment from the living room and clothes from the bedroom. As the foursome were making their way out the back window with their loot, the police pulled up.

* The unintentional Samaritan: A man participating in a charity walk was taken advantage of as he performed his good deed. He left several items, including money, car keys and a pack of cigarettes, on a chair while he participated in the event. The man returned to find the items gone.

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