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Bizarre crime from Charlotte police files (March 10) 

Turning the other cheek

Suspectless Crime For most of us, "forgive and forget" is easier said than done, but a 23-year-old Pineville woman recently proved she was the exception when she both forgave and forgot a shooting that landed her in the hospital with serious injuries. The woman was admitted to the ER after an unidentified suspect shot her in the leg. The victim was unable to recall for police where the shooting happened, but assured officers that she was sure the suspect didn't actually intend to shoot her.

Safety First A thief remains armed but not dangerous after breaking into a car near Matthews last week. According to police reports, the victim parked outside his home and returned a few hours later only to to discover his gun and first aid kit had been stolen. No other items were listed as stolen, and no damage to the vehicle was reported. Although now officially a felon, the unknown suspect will at least be ready to treat whomever they shoot.

You've Been Served The Bible tells readers to "turn the other cheek," and that's what one church-goer did when she became the victim of an assault at an Uptown Baptist church. Following a heated argument, a suspect attacked the 21-year-old victim by rubbing a slice of pizza in her face. Sticking to scripture, the victim turned the other cheek and sustained minor scratches to her face. Her attacker was promptly arrested when CMPD arrived on the scene, but the pizza was not logged into evidence as a weapon. In an unrelated incident, a 48-year-old south Charlotte man wasn't going to get served without a fight. The man was standing outside of his home when an unknown suspect approached him and, according to police reports, threw a paper bag that contained undisclosed legal documents at his face. The bag knocked off his glasses and caused visible injuries that were observed moments later by a responding officer.

Shock Value You never know where you might find a spark, as contractors learned when they were hired to board up a fire-damaged home in west Charlotte. The contractors were working to cover some windows when one employee found a stun-gun that had been left behind. The employee-turned-suspect allegedly pocketed the item, as claimed later by the 64-year old homeowner.

To Be Clear A Steele Creek restaurant wanted to make their policies clear after falling victim to an embezzling employee last week. Restaurant management called police to report that the employee had taken $143.79 in cash from the restaurant. Management also made it clear in the report that there is a written policy at that establishment that specifically prohibits employees from taking cash that doesn't belong to them, which we just call law.

Failed Take Off A group of suspects were hoping to score some easy cash when they set their sights on an ATM stationed in the lobby of a hotel near Charlotte Douglas Airport, but their plans were grounded when they realized the device was bolted to the lobby floor. The unidentified suspects made a quick departure and were long gone by the time the hotel reported the incident to police. In an unrelated incident inside the airport, a suspect possibly looking for a job made off with an air traffic controller's headset, although without the correct platform to plug into, they'll still just be talking to the voices in their own head.

Harsh Come Down A suspect accused of breaking into a Plaza Midwood pharmacy faces felony charges, but we have a feeling that's not harshing his mellow right now. According to police reports, the suspect approached the pharmacy on Central Avenue just before 3 a.m. and used an axe to break through the glass front door. Once inside, he stole $1,400 worth of generic Vicodin and Xanax. The suspect may be feeling nice now, but he faces a sobering arrest. In an unrelated incident a few days later, a man drove into the glass sliding doors of a Rite Aid in northwest Charlotte for the sole purpose of stealing cigarettes.

The Burning Bush It's unclear what motivated an amateur arsonist to walk onto a woman's lawn and set her tree on fire (wanted to go to Burning Man but couldn't afford it? protesting societal landscaping constructs? just didn't like the tree?) but the suspect waited until sunset before setting the tree alight, then fled the scene. The homeowner immediately reported the arson when she noticed her tree was ablaze and was able to put out the flames by the time fire officials arrived.

New Low It's only March, but after reviewing a four-page police report from a recent Ballantyne Country Club crime spree, may already confirm two suspects as the 'Dumbest Criminals of 2016.' The suspects donned black ski masks and gloves while attempting to break into parked cars in broad daylight. When officers turned up on the scene, the suspects fled in their car and drove through multiple traffic lights, causing hit-and-run damage while evading police. Police were eventually able to catch up with the suspects, at which point they discovered what precious loot the suspects had been fighting for all along: $6.36 in change, an EBT card and some Beyonce lip gloss.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

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