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Bizarre crime from Charlotte police files (March 24) 

On the radar

Faux Pot When an enterprising high school student filled a plastic baggy with herbs from his mom's spice rack, he knew it would take a pretty big dope to be duped by the bad bud. Unfortunately, that dope happened to be a teacher at his north Charlotte high school, who found the bag and misidentified its contents as marijuana, based on the "appearance and odor." When police examined the green flakes, they determined that the substance was actually just oregano — great for baking, not so great for getting baked.

Grudge Match "All hell broke loose" isn't proper police jargon, but it's the only way to summarize what transpired when a 24-year old woman drove to a couple's Seversville apartment and proceeded to attack them outside of their home. The suspect drove up shouting "I'm gonna kill you," as she attempted to run the man over. When that didn't work, she got out and began swinging at him with a baseball bat. He was able to pry the bat away, then used it to shatter her car windows. The suspect retaliated by pouring gasoline on him, then turned her focus to the victim's girlfriend and began attacking her with a belt.

Top of their Class Elementary school is a great place for precocious students to get a head start — whether it's on an education, or a criminal record. An 11-year old north Charlotte boy, for example, made leaps and bounds on his rap sheet this week when he smashed two glass windows at his school, after a teacher had to remove him from a fist fight he had initiated with another student. In an unrelated incident, a school bus was driving down Mallard Creek Road when an unidentified student on board opened their window and flung an object at a truck driving by, causing $500 in damage to the truck's windshield.

Fire in the Hole What happens on a Friday night doesn't stay on Friday night... that's the lesson a pair of SouthPark suspects learned the hard way, when their Friday night shenanigans came back with a burning vengeance on Saturday morning. Waking up with something far worse than a hangover, the suspects took drastic measures to remedy their situation — according to police reports, they broke into a pharmacy at 4 a.m. and stole $500 worth of Nystatin, a prescription medicine used to treat vaginal yeast infections.

Unhappy Homecoming Relief that her runaway daughter had returned home was short-lived for a 35-year old west Charlotte woman. In a series of actions that suggest the child had returned for retribution (and not a reunion), the girl took a frying pan outside and began striking her mother's car, then assaulted her mother by slapping her in the face.

Easy Listening Old-fashioned piracy wasn't an option for a suspect who wanted some new tunes but couldn't bring himself to download them illegally. To resolve his aural dilemma, the music miser made arrangements to trade a car to a man whom he met online in exchange for $1,500 worth of iTunes gift cards. On the day of the trade, the victim delivered the cards, as arranged, only to discover that there was no vehicle.

No Mixed Signals A UNC Charlotte student awoke shortly after midnight to find her roommate standing in her bedroom doorway wielding a knife and threatening to assault her. Police arrived before the threats could be carried out, and now the suspect faces charges for communicating a threat. Proving that bad vibes can cut like a knife, a suspect in an unrelated incident faces the same charges for being armed with negative energy. A 31-year old man called police to his NoDa home after a conversation with a suspect left him feeling threatened by "verbal and visible cues the suspect was sending."

Call for Service A woman in south Charlotte was alarmed to see that her home was being visited by a maintenance man whom she hadn't called last week. The woman reported that she watched a man in all-white jumpsuit — like those worn by power or phone company employees — approach her home and begin trying to break in the front door with a crowbar. She kindly reminded the man that her home was not in need of repair (unless he continued prying at the door) by screaming loudly, which convinced him to run off in search of another job.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

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