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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files (Feb. 8) 

Yay, Charlotte!: A man flying into Charlotte-Douglas Airport last week was apparently very excited to be in town. Police arrested the man and charged him with two counts of assault after he reportedly got out of his seat and pushed passengers to the floor while they were trying to deplane. Maybe he got his dates mixed up and thought he was late for the Democratic National Convention.

Little pink: A 41-year-old woman filed a police report last week after she was swindled by someone claiming to represent a charity. The victim told officers she gave $140 to the woman's "nonprofit." The victim was supposed to receive T-shirts and other items but never received them. The woman now can't reach the suspect. At least with Komen, you know where your money's not going.

Pork Chop Blues: A 56-year-old man called police last week after he was robbed in his own home. The man told officers that a known suspect "took his pork chop and damaged his living room chair." You can take a man's iPhone, you can even his flat-screen TV — but don't take his pork chop!

Negative Images: An employee at a local Rite Aid called police last week after a suspicious man submitted a roll of film with pictures showing a 40-year-old woman in pornographic poses. The suspect told the employee when he handed her the film that the woman in the pictures had been missing for several months. Police found out the name of the woman and determined that she had not been reported missing. Why do pervs continue to use commercial film developing in the age of digital photography?

The Pimp Room: Police arrested a woman on charges of soliciting an undercover officer for prostitution during a sting operation at a Quality Inn last week. The woman also was charged with pop possession and maintaining a dwelling for prostitution. Police confiscated two iPads, iPad chargers, four cell phones and a condom. So the johns have plenty of devices with which to sit and play Angry Birds while they wait their turn — but they have to share the condom? That's just nasty.

Threat of the Week: A 31-year-old woman reported that a known suspect threatened her and her family last week. The woman said the suspect told her, "I'm going to be back with another people to bash you and your family's head in." Let's look at that sentence again: We believe he's having a bit of a problem distinguishing singular from plural, and if we're reading correctly, he believes this family has one large collective head.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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