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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files (Jan. 11) 

Blue Balls: Police responded to a drive-by shooting and found a man whose night had gone from good to bad in a very short period. The woman at the house said that she had just laid down in bed next to the 32-year-old victim when they were startled by multiple gunshots. The victim then began screaming and realized that he had been shot in the hand. Gives a whole new meaning to shooting your load too quick.

Delayed reaction: Police responded to Carolinas Medical Center last week about a gunshot victim who walked into the hospital, oh, about 11 hours after his encounter with a couple of bolts of lead. The officer spoke to the victim at about 3:15 p.m. Seems he had been shot at 4 a.m. the previous day, on Beatties Ford Road — a 15-minute drive from CMC. The victim reported that he had been leaving a gas station when a suspect approached and shot him twice. No robbery took place. We guess the victim had a lot of errands to run before getting his two fresh bullet wounds looked at by a professional.

Witch slapped: Police responded to a domestic violence call and found a 55-year-old man had been beaten up by his girlfriend. The man told officers that the woman had kicked him during an argument and then struck him repeatedly with a broom stick. The woman was not present when police arrived, but they could still hear her cackling like the Weird Sisters of Macbeth.

Call Back Later: A 37-year-old woman filed a police report after being repeatedly harassed over the phone. She told officers that over a two-day period, two suspects made 40 calls to her home phone. The victim later called to add to the report, stating that one of the suspects was now threatening to have her sister shoot the victim if the victim continuedcontacting the suspect. It's hard not to make contact with someone who's already on the line harassing you.

Jay Running: A man was arrested last week when he ran from cops after trying to jaywalk. The officer had seen him trying to cross Trade Street in an area where there was lots of traffic but no crosswalk, the report said. When the officer approached the man to tell him to use a crosswalk, the man bolted. After police caught him, the man continued to struggle. Nothing illegal was found on him, so cops charged him with resisting. Who gets himself arrested for jaywalking?

Make Him Dance: A 19-year-old man was brought to a local hospital last week after being shot by an unknown suspect. The victim told officers the suspect shot him in the foot while he was inside a home on Shamrock Drive. That's the last time he serves drinks for one of Joe Pesci's card games.

Try Again: An employee at a local Bi-Lo called police after a man tried to pass a counterfeit $20 bill. When the cashier told the suspect he had a fake bill, the man simply took it back and gave the cashier a real bill before leaving. Rule of thumb: Use all your real money before trying to pass the fake stuff.

Nasty Breakup: A 15-year-old girl filed a police report after she was barred from retrieving her stuff from an ex-boyfriend's car. The girl told officers she had left behind a wallet with a Playboy bunny on it, $125 in gift cards, a Providence High School ID card, makeup, eyeglasses, sunglasses and Bath and Body Works perfume. Now he won't answer her calls about getting the stuff back. Appears as though he may be gathering gifts for his next girlfriend. He should first make sure she goes to, oh, South Meck or something.

Mix-up: A local business called Self Help contacted police last week after its property was vandalized. Employees told officers that an unknown suspect had shattered the sliding-glass door. Maybe the suspect thought the place was called "Help Yourself."

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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