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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files (July 4) 

Assault with a strange weapon

Assault with a strange weapon: A 57-year-old man filed a police report after his wife allegedly picked up a piece of an old vacuum cleaner and hit him with it. In unrelated cases, a man was arguing with a friend in his driveway when, according to the report, the so-called friend picked up an old fishing rod and hit him over the head with it. Also, a 43-year-old woman was assaulted by her disabled husband last week when he took the armrest off of his wheelchair and hit her with it.

Closure: A 32-year-old man was surprised to open his mail last week and find that he was no longer married. The man received a copy of an annulment that was filed in Nevada, where marriage always means a lot. The man said that his significant other forged his name on the annulment. He wanted to press charges against her and the notary who signed off on it.

Peek-a-boo: A BP cashier called police after a man and his little friend attempted to buy something in her store. The victim told officers that the man walked into the store and approached the counter with his pants sagging, not necessarily a strange fashion choice nowadays. The problem this time was that the man's penis was poking through the opening of his boxers. The 25-year-old woman told the man to leave and called police.

Loose discs: An employee at a local Sports Authority called police to say he'd witnessed a customer stuffing his pants with stolen goods. The employee told police he saw the customer stuffing discs used for disc golf into his pants. The employee struck up a conversation with the man, asking if he could help him. The man said, "No," while allegedly continuing to shove discs into his pants. The suspect then tried to walk out of the store as if nothing happened, as discs fell from his pants. The employee said the man got into a car and made off with $500 worth of merchandise.

Mepanic: A 45-year-old woman probably thought she was shattering a stereotype by hiring a female mechanic to work on her car last week. Unfortunately, the customer chose the wrong expert. The car had been stalling before, but wouldn't even start when she got it back. She looked under the hood and found water in the oil well and a hole punched through the radiator with an unknown tool.

Threat of the Week: An employee at a local 7-Eleven called police after "bothering" a patron. The victim told officers he was helping a woman in line and the man standing with her said, "Hey dude, that's my girl. Don't ever talk to her." When the employee explained he was simply trying to greet her and help her buy what she needed, the man said, "When I see you outside, I am going to kill you."

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

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