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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files (July 5 edition) 

Broom bashing, yuppie fail, more

Lightly Seasoned: Employees at a local Food Lion called police after a man stole from the store without ever leaving. The reporting person told officers that the suspect picked up a pack of watermelon chunks, multiple plums and salt and pepper shakers. The man then went into the bathroom and snacked out for a little while. When he finally emerged — without the items — he was detained by store security.

Hanging Out: A 20-year-old man called police last week after he came home to find some unwelcome guests at his house. The man told officers that he pulled up to his south Charlotte apartment and saw three suspects hanging from the balcony of his home. Perhaps they were gearing up for the Olympic's gymnastics tryouts.

Spawn of Satan: A 63-year-old foster mother called police last week after one of the children in her care turned out to be a bit of a bad seed. The woman told officers that the child had been placed into her custody temporarily due to an emergency situation. While staying with her, the child threatened to kill her and her dog. He also damaged property, including breaking the drawers to a dresser.

Family Matters: Police responded to a domestic disturbance in west Charlotte last week when a man became violent while arguing with some family members. The man's 24-year-old sister told officers that he kicked her and hit her with a broom during the argument. When the siblings' father tried to step in and break things up, the man hit his dad over the head with a brick.

Spider-man: A man was arrested in the downtown area last week after some of his stuntman moves failed while he was evading arrest. Police said that the man was running away when he attempted to jump from one level of the parking garage they were in to another. He made it successfully but then jumped into the rear window of someone's Chevrolet Caprice. He was quickly apprehended as his getaway driver refused to act as an accomplice.

Yuppie Fail: In "Why Are You Filing a Report" news, police responded to an injury call in north Charlotte last week after a 21-year-old man cut his hand. The victim told officers that he applied too much pressure to his wine glass, and it shattered.

Threats of the Week: A 20-year-old woman filed a police report after a suspect told her, "I'm going to whoop your ass, and I don't give a shit about you being pregnant. I'm going to whoop that baby out of you, bitch." An 18-year-old woman called police after receiving a call from another woman who said, "I'm gonna come beat your ass and rip all the piercings out of your face."

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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