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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files (May 22) 

Shoulda put a ring on it

Dirty Money: A 26-year-old woman called police after a house guest tried to stuff his drawers with her belongings. The woman told officers that $1,000 in cash went missing from her bathroom counter right after the man had used the restroom. He denied taking the money but officers searched him when they arrived on the scene and found every dollar in the man's underwear. It makes you wonder where the money you have in your pocket has been.

Dead Leg: A 35-year-old woman called police after her creepy ex-boyfriend decided to wake her up one night when harassing her wasn't enough. She told police that the man called her 21 times between midnight and 2:30 a.m. When she didn't answer the phone, he walked into her home through the unlocked door of her east Charlotte home and punched her in the leg while she was sleeping. But no worries, the police report states that the man "did not intend to commit a felony, he only intended to intimidate the victim."

Sorry, Not Sorry: Police responded to a call about a fight after a woman had her neighbor seeing red — and then not anything at all. A 58-year-old man told officers that he was arguing with his neighbor when she came out of her home and threw a handful of bleach into his eyes. When asked about the assault, the woman admitted that she had in fact thrown bleach in the man's eyes.

Courting Miss Popular: A woman in southeast Charlotte filed a police report that stayed brief and to the point after being annoyed at all the men who came a-callin' on one Saturday afternoon. The woman simply stated that "her house was visited by uninvited men throughout the day." No other details were available.

Counting Chickens: A man was arrested at a local Rite-Aid after he got ahead of himself during a shoplifting spree last week. The man entered the store and immediately grabbed a large greeting bag, employees said. He then went to work on the Rogaine aisle, stealing eight bottles of the hair replacement product for women and six more bottles for men. Then he stuck $220 worth of razors in his bag before trying to make a beeline for the door.

Shoulda Put a Ring On It: Police responded to a domestic disturbance last week after yet another couple got into a fight over Facebook. A man told officers that he and his girlfriend been arguing over sexually explicit messages the woman had received when she suddenly jumped on his back and pushed him into a wall. The woman claimed that this was her response to him stealing her iPhone and iPad, presumably the reason he came across the messages in the first place. The boyfriend reported a one-inch cut on his ring finger and the woman will have to wait a little longer for anything to be on hers.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. All suspects are innocent until proven guilty.

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