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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files (Sept. 21) 

East Meets West: A 27-year-old woman filed a police report after being disrespected while out clubbing. The victim told officers she saw a woman staring at her at Dharma Lounge, so she approached the woman. Before the victim could say anything, the suspect spit in her face and walked away. Apparently, the suspect made a mistake and thought she was at Karma Lounge.

Eat Your Greens: A Food Lion security officer reported that he observed a woman sticking items in her purse. After confronting her when she attempted to leave, he found that she had snuck out with pork chops, candy bars, an apple and a bag of plums. Note to thief: Next time, don't forget to steal your vegetables.

Plagiaristic Vandals: A 49-year-old woman called police after realizing someone had vandalized her car one night last week. She told officers that when she went to her driveway, she found her Hyundai Accent spray-painted with the words "slut hoe I suck cocks." Funny, that's the phrase I came up with when Nike introduced those shoes with custom-stitched messages.

Blame Fido: Police attempted to pull over a stolen car last week when the driver sped down a dead-end road. When the driver reached the end, he ran from the vehicle, leaving a dog behind in the car. Good ploy, but the dog was not arrested. The driver was. And the car was recovered.

Never Learn: Police stopped a man at a random license checkpoint last week and found he was driving while impaired. A quick check of his records showed that his license had already been revoked for earlier infractions, and a freshly spilled beer in the passenger seat hinted that he was still partying when he reached the checkpoint. Seems this guy's fun-loving Miller Lite commercial long ago transformed into a public service announcement.

Threat of the Week: A 43-year-old woman filed a police report after being assaulted and threatened outside a local Ben & Jerry's ice cream shop. The victim told officers that two women had gotten into an argument with her and that one began pushing the victim with her chest, telling her, "I am going to kick your ass and there's plenty more coming your way. I'm going to clip your wings." The second suspect then jumped in and also began pushing the victim with her chest. We're sorry: we're trying to picture all this "chest-pushing" among the women, but it's beginning to turn pornographic.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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