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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

Tickle Monsters: Police responded to a call about loud screams and shouts coming from a house. When they arrived, a 22-year-old man told them that he had been the one yelling. He told police that his two drunk roommates had "tickle raped" him and that he could not escape their clutches. Some people are suspects, some are just suspect. These people are both.

Aunt Flo's Visit: A woman told police that her house was vandalized overnight while she slept. She claimed her house was littered with toilet paper and female sanitary wipes. Red liquid also was splashed all over the driveway. This house is just going through some changes, that's all.

Sketchy Friends: A 45-year-old man reported to police that his close friend brought home a friend to party with. The next morning the victim woke to find that his pickup truck was gone. It's all fun and games until someone commits a felony.

Oink Oink: A man reported that a known suspect has called him numerous times to threaten and harass him. The suspect allegedly told the victim, "I'm gonna cut your dick off and feed it to the pigs. Gonna come up there and kill you." I know this is going to hurt the man more than anything, but what did the pigs do to deserve this sort of trickery?

Caring Friend: A 26-year-old woman told police that she had just bought a new vehicle and people are already out to hurt it. She claims that a known suspect told her, "You have a nice car. I would hate for the windows to get busted out." I think I smell a hint of sarcasm. Can you say jealousy?

Art of Intimidation: A woman reported to police that she received a call from a known suspect who said, "If the police report comes back that it was my fault I am going to fuck all of you up." I wonder what he's going to do when he sees the police report came out and it's his fault that he's calling people about police reports that are coming out.

Unpatriotic: Police were called after a man was seen walking down the street with his pit bull on a leash. When he came across an American flag flying on a flagpole he took a knife from his pocket, cut the rope from the pole and left the flag laying on the ground. This guy might have a problem with America, or maybe he just wanted to make a new leash.

Odd Behavior: A 26-year-old woman was driving home at 3 a.m. when she slowed down for a speed bump. It was at this time that an unknown man jumped on her hood and climbed onto the windshield. When the suspect jumped off of the car, the victim hopped out of her car to confront him, at which time he jumped back on the windshield, cracking it. Like Rick James said, cocaine is a crazy drug.

Rock N Rolla: A woman called police after a suspect allegedly assaulted her. This is not very funny or out-of-the ordinary, right? She told police that during an argument, the man rolled his wheelchair at her and struck her with it. I just have to wonder: How fast could he have gotten that thing going? I'm thinking 2 miles per hour, tops.

Fun With Threats: A 30-year-old woman told police she received five threatening e-mails from an unknown suspect. Included in the messages: "I'm gonna come to your house," "I know where you live," "I can trace you, hahahaha," "I'll be seeing you soon," "I'm gonna poison you," and my favorite, "I'm gonna use razor blades on you." It seems this could have all been knocked out with one text message; you're really wasting time.

Bedtime Threats: A 22-year-old woman told police that she had been receiving threatening text messages. Within 45 minutes the suspect sent 12 messages, one in which the suspect typed, "I am going to find out where you lay your head at and fuck you up." Yeah, I'm going to take the feathers out of your pillow! I'm going to make your bed squeak every time you move a muscle!

Threat of the Week: A man and wife were arguing in their home and police were called. The woman then told police that her husband was drunk and had become more verbally abusive as the night went on. She said he became increasingly belligerent until he "got to the point" when he said, "I'm going to fuck you up if you put your hands on my money again, and I'm going to beat your ass if you disrespect my dead mom." The woman then told police she was sleeping in a separate room from the man for the night. A little bit of common sense can go a long way. I don't see much of it in these stories, congratulations.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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