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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

Sweet Tackle: A young woman reported a simple assault to police officers after a strange night. She told police she was at Suite in the Epicentre with a man she knew, when the man suddenly went running from across the room and tackled her to the ground, giving her large scrapes on her left elbow. Assault? Or Panthers playoff spirit? Yeah! Now I'm ready to go tackle someone.

War and a Piece: A 54-year-old man called police after his car was apparently vandalized overnight. He told police that an unknown suspect had spray-painted his 1995 Honda Civic while he was sleeping. The suspect (or suspects) sprayed "POS" down both sides of the car, and then "Piece of Shit" on the hood. They even added a little mini-"POS" on each headlight. Well, if it wasn't before, it is now, geez!

Jealou-Phone: A 20-year-old woman told police that her phone was destroyed by a man she knew. The man had dropped her off earlier in the night, and when she called to tell him she had left her phone in his car, he returned and left the phone on the porch. Only when she found it, the phone had been crushed and destroyed. She told police she believes he had found text messages that angered him. Either that or he just couldn't figure out the T9 typing. That has gotten me close to crushing a few phones.

Nothing Butt This: A man called police after his car was broken into and something was stolen. The victim was inside his apartment when he heard a crashing noise and ran outside to find his driver side window broken and the alarm going off. He then found that the only thing stolen was a box full of cigarette butts. I would be thankful. I can understand an ashtray, but a box full of butts? Why?

Getting Played: A 46-year-old woman called police to report that an unknown person used her gift card for unauthorized purchases. She explained that she received the card as a gift on Dec. 24 and tried to use it on Dec. 26. This is when she was told that the card had been used on Dec. 23. Do the math, lady. You were given an empty gift card for Christmas.

Sneaky Thief: A woman reported to police that her purse had been stolen from her car. About $1,000 worth of gift cards, jewelry and other items were in the purse when it was stolen. The victim told police that she was pumping gas on the driver side of the car when someone entered her Isuzu Axiom from the passenger side and took the purse. You've got to be more alert than that. I would love to see the gas station surveillance tapes and watch how this happened.

Chest Bumping: A girl was being escorted out of Northlake Mall by a police officer after she was banned for fighting. The officer then arrested the girl for assault on a police officer when she "walked into him with her chest" as she tried to reach the exit. That's assault? What, did she have one of those pointy Madonna bras on? Now that would hurt.

Good Waiter: A suspect's co-workers at a restaurant reported him to police; they said he threatened another person. The suspect reportedly told his friends at work, "I'm packing, and I've got people waiting on him." Well, did you dig a little deeper? He might just be packing up to leave work because he got another waiter to wait on his customers.

Psychic Threats: A woman got a call from someone who, mistaking the woman for the woman's daughter, said, "Tell your mom she will be dead by Tuesday," and hung up. In an unrelated case, a woman received a call from someone who said, "You need to watch your back because you're not going to live past Jan. 1, 2009." I wonder if this person had a Jamaican accent. I know Miss Cleo is out of work, and she must be sick with boredom. Call now for your free reading!

Get Original: A 44-year-old woman became concerned when an unknown suspect called her and stated, "I'm going to put a cap in your ass." This man was then done one better in the cliché department by a man in an unrelated case who called another man and, using a computerized voice, said, "Brad, I am going to pull out my nine and bust a cap in your ass." C'mon guys. Listen to some rap songs; there's all kinds of new ways to say that. You're just giving white gangsters everywhere a bad name.

Threat of the Week: A 79-year-old woman called police after receiving six harassing phone calls from an unknown man. The man has stated, "I wish you would die bitch; I order you to be dead." Alright, Harry Potter, that's not how it works. And if it does work, well, that's not exactly a coincidence or magic. I'd like to see you try it on a healthy 30-year-old. Perhaps the caller is just a grandson waiting on his inheritance.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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