January 20, 2009 News & Views » The Blotter

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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

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High On Hygiene: A man was arrested at a Rite-Aid for shoplifting. The man tried to conceal socks, batteries, a razor, a pack of refills for said razor, Rogaine Extra Strength, and a beard trimmer. I guess it is pretty smart to stay ready with extra razors and a beard trimmer if you're going to take the Extra Strength Rogaine. Better safe than sorry.

BioDiesel: A 62-year-old man called police when his truck was vandalized. Apparently, an unknown suspect filled the victim's gas tank with 50 gallons of water. Of course, this destroyed the tank, causing $600 in damage. The victim would've made a lot more money than that if he could have driven some miles with that.

Cat Burglar: A woman reported to police that she had been harassed by a known suspect and threatened with property damage. She claims the suspect called her four times, and during one of the early calls was told, "I'm going to bust in your door." Then the suspect called back later, apparently unhappy with the vagueness of the earlier threat, and said, "When you and your roommate are gone next week, I will kick down your door and take your cat."

Who? What?: A 72-year-old man told police that an unknown person called his house phone twice and his cell phone once, each time hanging up as soon as he answered. When the so-called victim of this crime called the person back, the "suspect" said, "You motherfucker, I didn't call you." This was reported to police? There IS actual crime going on in Charlotte. But, hey, it made it in The Blotter!

Hallelujah: An older woman called police to report that her car had been broken into. As well as stealing the CD player out of the dashboard, the merciless thieves also stole $50 worth of CDs, all containing Christian music. These guys are somewhere bumping their bass at a traffic light, blasting those songs of redemption and forgiveness.

Good Deal: The owner of a local pawn shop filed a police report about an employee. The owner said his worker had given money to a man who pawned goods that were obviously of no value to the business. In what sounded like a pre-arranged deal, the man gave the pawn shop 24 pairs of earrings, each valued at $1, and the worker had paid him $6,000. I don't see what the problem is, but just in case, I'm taking my six G's and going to Florida for awhile.

Boogie Man: A man was approached by police after officers witnessed him walking out of a wooded area, stumbling around, obviously intoxicated. The officers realized the man had a huge bulge in his jacket. While searching the man, they found a CD player that had obviously been ripped out of a car. The man said a random person gave him the CD player, but police, acting on a hunch, found a Jeep Cherokee parked on the other side of the woods with a broken window and missing CD player. The police could not locate the owner, so if you're reading this, well, screw it. You probably already bought a new one.

Wine-OH!: An employee at a gas station told police that she had tried to stop a man from stealing an $8 bottle of wine, but could not. The man apparently took the bottle, stuffed it into his pants, and tried to walk out. When the woman approached him and tried to confront him, he simply continued talking on his cell phone and acted as if she wasn't there. He then got in his car and drove away. It probably annoys the cashier even when paying customers do that, so this has got to piss her off.

Fear the Phone: A 44-year-old man called police after his wife assaulted him. He told police that during the fight, his wife hit him in the face repeatedly with a cell phone, splitting his lip open and causing it to bleed heavily. This isn't assault, necessarily. When my roommate leaves his phone laying around and someone calls looking for him, that's how I tell him.

Mystery Magnum: An older man filed a police report after he awoke to find bullet holes in the ceiling above his bed and spent cartridges on the floor beside it. Looks like Grandpa is shooting in his sleep again, and I'm not talking about wet dreams.

Empty Promise: A 19-year-old girl called police to report her car had been broken into while she was at work. Her window was broken, but nothing was stolen except for 32 CD cases. The girl didn't mind, though – the cases were empty. The actual CDs were all in a booklet laying on the passenger seat, safe and sound.

Threat of the Week: A 22-year-old woman called police after receiving threatening calls from her ex-boyfriend. She claims the man said, "Yo, if I see you and him out together you are both gonna get it. Y'all don't even bother me because you was all dried up by the time I was done with you." Wow. The things people tell the police. Well, I had to read it, so now you can, too.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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