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Bizarre crimes from Charlotte police files 

In and Out: A man called police after his house was broken into overnight. He told police that the suspects broke in through the side window, and then engaged in sexual intercourse before leaving through the rear door. I'm not sure if he's explaining positions or describing how they got into his house.

Unlucky Day: A 47-year-old woman called police after her car was broken into. The thief stole two bottles full of Xanax and Hydrocodone, as well as two winning scratch-off lottery tickets, worth a total of $175. That kind of change in luck can make you wish you had something to take the edge off. How about a Xanax? Oh, nevermind.

Sticky Situation: A 62-year-old man complained to police that his property was vandalized. At some point during the night, a suspect glued his mailbox shut. The man later found that the passenger window of his car was glued shut as well. Dog and cat feces also were left all over the yard. It's not clear whether this man did the research necessary to conclusively identify which belonged to cats and which belonged to dogs.

Parenting Skills: A 34-year-old woman told police that a man, apparently the father of her children, threatened her. The man allegedly said, "If you don't pay child support, I am going to beat your ass and I'm going to blow your brains out." Now that's the way to negotiate a deal. Something about this whole thing is backward, but it's good to put an end to bad parental stereotypes.

Revenge: A woman told police that a known woman threatened her. The suspect called her at her home and said, "I am going to fuck you up because you messed my son up." You know what comes after this, the grandmother gets involved, and it's a tragic cycle from there.

Tough Criminals: A man called police after his home was broken into. The man told police that nothing was stolen, but the mail that he had left on the kitchen counter was thrown all around the room. You can throw around a man's mail, but you can't throw around his sense of dignity.

What a Steal: A man filed a police report after his work van was broken into. The only thing stolen from the van was a 5-gallon container of water. This was a risky endeavor, but water is such a rare commodity these days. It's not like you can just walk into any gas station restroom and turn a knob.

Family Business: A 21-year-old man filed a police report claiming that someone he knew sent him a message stating "she was going to rob him again and have her father kill him like his cousin." This sounds like a real sweet, innocent daddy's girl, that's all. Sounds like someone I would love to date.

Good Lookin': A 24-year-old woman told police that someone she knew threatened her and her small son. The suspect told the woman, "I should beat your ass and your ugly-ass son's." This incident occurred at the bus stop in front of the victim's home. As a child, it's not a good sign if adults are making fun of you before you even step on the bus.

Proxy War: A man told police that he was threatened by a known man who said, "My brothers and cousins are going to do something to you when they catch you out." People are really into love between families this week. It's all about making connections.

Motivation: Police responded to a local McDonald's after the manager claimed that an employee stole from the restaurant. The manager told police that she placed $300 in cash on the food prep station and the employee placed it in her bra. Sometimes you've got to make a move to get out of flipping burgers, and if it doesn't include taking the bra off, more power to her.

Threat of the Week: An 18-year-old man told police that he was threatened by a known suspect, who called him and said, "I'm gonna rape your wife and put a bullet through your head." He called later and told the kid, "I know where you live." There aren't many people taking vacations in a recession in February, but I'd think about it in this situation.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.

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